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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28050033">Carry On</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/satvrn/pseuds/satvrn'>satvrn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester is grieving, Dean is a parental figure for Jack, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Established Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff, Gay Castiel (Supernatural), Jack is baby, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Temporary Character Death, it's going to have a happy ending i swear, no beta we die like men, the relationships are not the main theme</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 14:48:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>25,626</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28050033</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/satvrn/pseuds/satvrn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The world is finally fix, they defeated God. Nothing could ever happen bad anymore, they won the big battle after all. But it feel odd, something is not right. Something is missing. Did the Winchester really won this time, or is it just another manipulation?</p><p>--<br/>Ok so, this fanfic completly ignores s15e20, and it starts at the end of s15e19 (but i didn't know which episode i was supposed to use for the fix-it tag)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi guys,</p><p>I'm here to post the first chapter of my first big fanfic, and big project in general. So, I hope you'll like it as much as I love writing it.<br/>I should post every week, but I'm not quite sure yet, at least for the beginning it'll be one chapter a week !</p><p>(i would like to warn you, english is not my native language, and it's the first time I write in english, so I already apologize for all the mistakes)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They did it. Chuck was gone, for good. Jack became the new God, and everything was great. Sam and Dean will finally be able to live their lives as they wanted to, as they deserved to. Hitting the road, hunting monsters, the family business. The Winchesters were finally free.</p><p>It was their first hunt since this day, since the day God was left powerless and useless in front of this lake. It’s been almost a month, and they wanted to go back to their normal life now. This hunt seemed to be something really simple, a ghost, as they already saw hundreds before. It was in a little town, in Illinois, where people disappeared when they entered a « haunted house ».</p><p>Sam and Dean were in Baby, they weren’t talking, Sam was reading a book and Dean was trying to stay awake. Since God was defeated, something was definitely wrong. He didn’t sleep well, he was always sad.. Dean was feeling empty, like something was missing. Something, he didn’t know what, was not in the right place. When the hunter understood that he was falling asleep and that he was becoming dangerous, they decided to stop at a crappy motel, like they used to. Everything in this hunt was just like before. Except this feeling that Dean had, that didn’t seem to want to go away, and that was growing more and more every second.</p><p>The hunt was, as they expected it to be, basic. It was definitely a ghost, whose corpse was quickly found and burned by the Winchesters brother, and everything was fine. No complication, it was the right corpse, there was only one ghost… It felt like one of their first hunts together, when their dad was missing. It felt like centuries ago, with all that happened those 15 last years. They stopped apocalypses, they fought Knights of Hell, the most powerful demons, they fought Lucifer, and now they had defeated God. Hunting simple ghosts now felt strange, and too easy.</p><p>The two of them then decided to take some time, since the weather was great. They deserved a little time taking care of themselves, for once. They were walking, enjoying the sun, bright and high in the sky, and Dean was searching for a place to eat some pie, when he saw it. It was nothing, just a piece of cloth, but it made him stop. This little thing was full of memory. It was a trench coat. Why did he felt so nostalgic seeing this ? He never wore one, none of his loved ones ever even owned one, so why ? It didn’t make any sense. But the feeling of nostalgia and sadness didn’t seem to go away, and it was adding to the emptiness he was experiencing for a few days now. Sam stopped too when he saw that Dean wasn’t next to him anymore, and turned around, to see his brother frozen, in front of the vitrine of a shop, selling, amongst other things, trench coats.</p><p>« Dean ? Are you suddenly sick of leather jackets and want to try something new » mockingly asked Sam.<br/>
« No. I… It’s probably nothing. Just a feeling. Isn’t this trench coat familiar to you ? »<br/>
« Absolutely not. Dean, you sure you’re alright ? You seem nervous since we defeated Chuck. You probably should get some sleep, I haven’t seen you sleep much lately. I should drive tonight, to get us back at the bunker. »</p><p>Dean sighed, but didn’t fight back. It was probably a good idea to let him drive due to how he was feeling. He was a danger for absolutely everyone who could be on the road while he was driving.</p><p>They spent the day taking time for them, just the two of them, some beers and Baby. It felt like the good old days, but none of them was feeling really good. They now both had a bad feeling, making them believe that they were not safe, that something was wrong, and it didn’t want to go away. For Dean, it was all the time, amongst the other things he was feeling, but for Sam, it was just when they were happy, when they were feeling really safe. They both tried not to think about it, they didn’t want the other to feel like something was wrong too. If they didn’t talk about it, it could disappear. And maybe, it was just because Jack was gone, and they defeated God. It could probably make you feel somehow unsafe, making God useless.</p><p>When they hit the road, the sun already began to decline, and the night was close. Dean was in the passenger seat, trying to fall asleep, but he just couldn’t. He wasn’t even thinking about the fact that the person driving Baby wasn’t him. It was worse than being afraid for his car, it was, again, this feeling that didn’t leave him, and that got worse since he saw this stupid trench-coat. He couldn’t forget about it, and he didn’t know why. Maybe someone he couldn’t save wore one. But he remembered almost every face he wasn’t able to save, why wouldn’t he this time ?</p><p>Sam was trying not to think. Since this afternoon, the feeling didn’t leave him. It had, since now, faded after some hours, but even in the impala, he felt unsafe. It was definitely unusual, and he hated that. The impala was supposed to be one of their safest places on earth, it was like home, the only thing that has been here since they were born. The impala was the exact definition of home, and Sam always felt better when he was in it, but this time.. He wasn’t. It was even worse. And it got even worse, when they arrived in Lebanon, and he saw a woman, talking to somebody. He could have swore he knew her, but he had no idea where or why. But Sam’s sensation definitely worsened after seeing her.</p><p>When they arrived at the bunker, Dean had finally fallen asleep, and he seemed to be ok. Sam didn’t want to wake him up, he didn’t know if he would be even able to fall asleep again if he did. So, Sam just let him sleep here, and went back to his room. There, he fell in his bed, watching the roof. He fell asleep, suddenly, without realizing, while he was thinking about the day he just spent, watching over his shoulder, as if something was about to jump on him from behind.</p><p>Sam woke up with a start, when he felt a weight on his chest, and burst out laughing when he realized it was just Miracle, the dog Dean adopted, here to wake him up, while Dean was at the door.</p><p>« Hey sleeping beauty. Wake up, I found a new case » Dean said, already walking out, Miracle following him.<br/>
« Wait Dean. Already ? We should take some time off, the world can survive a week without us, we literally stopped God. »<br/>
« Too late, I already told Donna we were on our way. »</p><p>Dean was already gone when Sam tried to talk back. He wanted to do something, Dean couldn’t stand doing nothing, he already tried this morning, after waking up at 6am because he had a nightmare, and it was too hard. His feeling was getting worse and worse, and he just wanted it to stop, and hunting always helped him when things got bad. He didn’t know if this time would be the same, since it was because of his last hunt that he was feeling this bad.</p><p>He will see, he had to try at least, he had to try to get this feeling gone, because it was fucking with him. He needed anything that would work, and he didn’t feel like drinking, for once, because he would drink too much, and it would get Sam worried, and that was the last thing he wanted, because he would have to explain, or to find something to say. And he didn’t see anything that could be an explanation for this behavior. They had made God their bitch, they beat him, their adoptive son became the most powerful creature in this world, and a good person, Sam and him could finally be free and happy.. There was literally no reason for him to feel like that. So he could never find a lie that would be credible enough to convince Sam, because he would not be able to lie about that. It was too big, too unbearable. If he had to try to explain, he would never get away with it, and he would have to explain this feeling he had, and the hope he had that he would be better soon could fade away.</p><p>So, he chose to go on a hunt, as he always does. This case was found by Donna. A dozen of missing children in a little town not far from Duluth. Why was it their thing ? It was just disappearance, it happened, it was not usually their thing. But one of the missing children was found dead, her head chopped, and drained from her blood. Donna called them as soon as she heard about this case, since she had taken a week off to go visit Jody and the girls.</p><p>Dean drove the Impala this time. He wasn’t feeling better, and was still as tired as he was before, this night didn’t help him at all. But once again, he needed to stop the feeling, and being concentrated on the road worked sometimes, to take all of his problems off his head, so he could try, it wouldn’t hurt him. Sam was talking to him, about the hunt, but Dean wasn’t listening. Sam finally stopped talking, and as they did during the last hunt, they spent the ride without talking to each other. Dean didn’t even put music on. He was trying to not worry Sam, but it was obviously not working, since Sam was more worried than he ever was, because of little things, but things that were unusual for a guy like Dean. Like, driving in silence, or not eating breakfast. Yeah, Sam was definitely worried about Dean.</p><p>When they arrived in the town, they began working immediately. They started talking to every witness possible, family, friends, neighbors, everyone that could have an idea of what happened when the kids disappeared, but nobody knew a thing. The parents left them in front of their school in the morning, and during the moment where they left them and the moment school started, they were missing. Nobody saw anything, not a single soul, even though there were a lot of people in front of this school, absolutely nobody was a witness of what happened. Their only lead was the comportement of the family of the first missing child. They were avoiding their questions, and they seemed kind of strange, as if they were hiding something from them, something really important.<br/>
So, they went back to their place, expecting answers this time, even if they had to be.. persuasive. Dean parked the impala just in front of their house, but he didn’t leave, when Sam did. The younger brother leaned, to see what Dean was doing, instead of coming. He expected nothing, but what he saw was definitely not something he ever could have imagined, coming from Dean.<br/>
Dean was crying. He cried before, but, seeing him cry today, at this exact moment, for no apparent reasons? After they finally won their right to be happy and free ? No, it was definitely something he wasn’t expecting.</p><p>When Dean had parked, he saw those two persons on the other side of the road. They seemed to be lovers. He didn’t leave the car immediately, because he was watching them. They were saying goodbye to each other, and from what he could understand, one of them was going to die soon, because of an incurable disease, or something like that. He didn’t know why, but this scene, seeing two lovers saying goodbye to each other, crying, was hurting him so much. Dean never loved anyone enough to feel like his world was crushing all over him when he had to say goodbye. But right now, he was feeling the scene. He knew what they were feeling, he knew. He just knew, everything.</p><p>The feeling he had for this whole month, he finally was able to understand it. He understood what happened, he understood why he was feeling sad, why he couldn’t sleep, why nothing felt right, why he was feeling so empty all the time. He understood now, and it was only one word, that he whispered, tears on his cheeks, Sam watching him and trying to understand what the fuck was happening to his big brother.</p><p>« Castiel.. »</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey, I'm back with a new chapter, hoping that you will like it!<br/>Take care of you, stay home, wear a mask and drink water !</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sam did not understand what Dean had just say. Castiel? Who or what was Castiel? They didn’t know anyone by that name. Why was Dean crying? He was going to ask him what the hell was happening, and why he was crying, and who was Castiel, when he froze. He heard a voice behind him, a voice that he knew too well.</p><p>“Oh no Dean. Really? Because of the angel? You must be kidding me. Can’t you Winchester just do what you’re supposed to?”</p><p>Chuck. Chuck was standing in front of the car, and he definitely wasn’t here the second before. Dean got out of the car immediately when he saw God. He definitely popped out of nowhere, which was literally impossible since he was powerless. He was just a common human, he could not just appear or disappear as he wanted to.</p><p>“Chuck. What the hell are you doing here exactly? How the hell are you here? Why didn’t I remember Castiel? What have you done?”</p><p>Dean was close to God now, he still had tears in the eyes, but he calmed down. Because at least, now, he didn’t have the feeling that something was wrong. Because what was wrong was the fact that he didn’t remember Cas, but now he did, and he felt complete again.</p><p>“Well, see... I am God. I have no idea how you could expect your little boy to beat me. Seriously? He was almost powerless, don’t tell me that you really thought you could beat me? I am God, I created everything here, I created you, I even decided that your little protege would be born. I decided everything here. See, you pissed me off. But you still could have been some... Entertainment. Watching you two, going back at your everyday life, tortured by the fact that you know something is wrong and missing... It was really fun. Especially you, Dean. You couldn’t stop thinking about that. Thinking about this something that was missing... Your poor little angel Castiel. You should have miss him forever, but never actually remember him. You’re a pain in the ass, you never do what you’re told to. Of course, you HAD to remember him. You should have followed your brother, Dean, he still doesn’t remember Eileen, even after he saw her, he couldn’t remember her. But you see a trench coat and a couple being split up and you think of him... Really Dean, you’re annoying.”</p><p>Sam watched God, trying to understand what he was saying. Eileen? Who was she? Was she supposed to be important to him? And Castiel was an angel? But all the angels they ever met were dicks, why would this Castiel be important to Dean if he was an angel, and therefore, a dick?</p><p>“I know this could not be the moment, but who is Eileen?” Asked Sam, to both God and his brother.</p><p>Chuck chuckled, pointing Sam with his hand, visibly contented with what he just heard from him.</p><p>“See Dean? Be like him, he does what he has to.” Chuck snapped his fingers, making Eileen appear in the street. “Dear Sam, let me present to you, your girlfriend, Eileen Leahy.”</p><p>The girl seemed as surprised as Sam, until Chuck snap once again, making them immediately remember. They looked at each other, not understanding anything. What was happening here? They remembered the other, and they didn’t understand how it was possible that they didn’t until know.</p><p>“Chuck. Answer to me. What the hell is happening. You’re not supposed to have power. Jack literally took all of your power and made it his.” Dean said, anger in his voice.</p><p>“Oh, poor Jack... Yeah, well... No, he didn’t. I made him think he did, you know, being God does have advantages. Of course, I let Jack took a bit of my power, but not enough to make me useless and powerless. You have absolutely no idea how powerful I am. Do you really believe that I would have created something more powerful than me? Pff. Never. I’m not stupid, Jack will never be more powerful than me. He’s just a little lost boy. Talking about him... I would like the power I left him back. So, if you don’t mind...”</p><p>And now, just like that, Jack was with them. He had been interrupted in a discussion with an angel, talking about how they should change heaven to make it a better place. The boy was standing in front of Dean, watching him in confusion.</p><p>“Dean? Why am I here? You can make me come without me realizing? I didn’t know you had that power.”</p><p>But Dean made him a sign, telling him to turn over, and Jack saw God. The boy choked. How could Chuck be here, and with power with what he could feel? He took all of his power, he was God, he made sure Chuck was left powerless and he made sure he couldn’t get his powers back, but now he felt power, coming from him, a lot of power. He was glowing, he definitely had his mojo back, and none of them, especially Jack, knew how this could have happened. He turned back, to see the Winchesters as confused as him, minus the shock, since they had the time to process the information. Chuck snapped his fingers, and as it did with Sam and Eileen, Jack remembered Castiel. God has made sure that nobody could remember Castiel, because otherwise, the angel always tended to come back, even when He didn’t want to.</p><p>“Hello, Jack. I’m sure you’re surprised to see me, but see, I’m God. You’re just a 3 years old Nephilim, I really hope you didn’t think you could actually beat me? Really, you guys are disappointing. I thought you knew better, come on. You defeated Lucifer several times and he always did come back, but I should have stayed useless? You really underestimate me. I thought you were some of the best humans in the world, you could at least use the three braincells you have left, but I should have been wrong, maybe Castiel was the only one with a functional brain in your group.”</p><p>“Bring him back.” It was the only thing that Dean have been able to say.</p><p>“Well, no. I can’t have you feeling sad because you don’t remember him, so you will feel sad because you will never be able to save him. Now, Jack if you will…”</p><p>And before they even had the time to say anything, God put his hands on Jack’s temples. The entire scene started glowing. Sam, Dean and Eileen had to protect their eyes, trying not to be blinding by the light that God was producing taking back all of his power from Jack. It wasn’t a lot, but it was still God power, the most dangerous and strong thing in the entire universe, and it seemed to be even more powerful than they expected, since he had the ability to hide it from the son of Lucifer himself, a son that had sucked up some of God power. Chuck was definitely stronger than they ever could had expected.</p><p>When God finally took a step back, Jack fell on the ground catched up by Dean, who was kind of relieved that his feeling, his presentiment, was an actual thing and not just his brain not used to a normal and free life. Chuck inhaled deeply.</p><p>“Thanks Jack, I missed this power I left you, it wasn’t much but it still annoyed me. Now, I’m going to go… And this time, I will destroy your little earth. I won’t try to find you a use, you’ll die. Slowly. And I will enjoy every minute of your finale fall. You won’t ever, ever, be able to stop me. Don’t even try, enjoy your last months in your last apocalypse. It’s so sad that you didn’t do what you had to. Because of you, billions of people are going to die, thousands of alternate universes already had been destroyed, just because of you two, Winchesters.”</p><p>And just by that, he disappeared, he vanished again, leaving them here, alone. Everyone else in the town was gone. They vanished too, when God first arrived the place. Only Sam, Dean, Jack and Eileen were still there. They looked at each other for a solid minute. All of this was a lie, once again, their lives were decided by God, this narcissistic son of a bitch.</p><p>“Should we... Come back at the bunker? Trying to see what we can do?” Questioned Sam, breaking the oppressive silence.</p><p>“For what? Seeing how much we failed? Realizing that we lost Castiel and that we didn’t even think of him in almost a month? That we didn’t even remembered his name? That God won, and that he’s definitely too powerful and that he tricked us? That we never will be able to be happy?” Dean burst out.</p><p>This conversation had made him feel better about his feeling, but at the same time, it made everything fall in front of them. God proved that they could never beat him. They tried with the second most powerful thing in the world, and even him had only been able to weaken him a little bit, and only because God let him. What will they do now? Jack didn’t have power anymore, and they didn’t have hope left. Everything was gone, and they will have to watch the world fall in front of them. They won’t ever be able to fight God. Everything they loved will be destroyed, and it was only their fault, it was because they wanted free will, because they wanted to beat destiny, they wanted to never have their lives decided ever again. They should have known that nothing ever worked for them, with everything that happened in their lives, they should have known. But they preferred to have hope, to try once again, and for what? For nothing. God always had what he wanted, why would it have changed now? They have been stubborn, and the entire universe will be paying the price for their behavior.</p><p>Dean had to leave the scene. Remembering Castiel was hard, he didn’t even know how he could even have forgotten about him in the first place. The angel literally gave his life for him, and he wasn’t even able to remember his name for a month? He knew he should be feeling bad about the whole God is going to destroy the universe thing, and he was, but his mind couldn’t stop thinking about Cas. He sat on a bench, and, when he turned his head, he saw Jack next to him. The Nephilim seemed bad too, maybe even more. Cas was like a father to Jack, and he didn’t think about him, during all the time he had God power, he could have bring him back, but he didn’t, because he wasn’t able to remember him. It was one of the worst feeling in the world to Jack. He failed his mission, he didn’t beat God, and he didn’t save his dad. He just felt useless, and he knew he was, because he didn’t have any power left now, and without them, he was nothing, he already proved that once.</p><p>Dean looked at this boy, and smiled at him. After everything they been through, and everything they will have to go through, Dean found the force to smiled at this boy.</p><p>“Hey buddy. It wasn’t your fault, you know that? We all thought we beat this son of a bitch, that we finally won our free will. It’s not your fault if he just manipulated us. It’s what he does, what he always did and what he will always do.” Dean told him.</p><p>“Maybe. But I failed. Again. And we will die. Because of me. Because I’m a failure.”</p><p>“Don’t blame yourself, Jack. I failed like you. But we will defeat God, we will kill him” Dean stopped for a moment “And we will save Cas. I promise.”</p><p>Dean wasn’t sure if he was talking to Jack or to himself. He just had to try believing, because it was all they have left, once again.</p><p>“Jack. Let’s go home ok? We’ll find a way.”</p><p>Dean stood up, and smiled at the blond boy, trying to comfort him. It was his role, he had to help the boy; just like Castiel helped him becoming the good person Jack was now. Jack nodded, and together they came back with the other. Dean sat in front of the wheel in Baby, without a world, and everyone followed him in the car. They came back at the bunker. They didn’t talk during the whole trip, but unlike the last time the Winchesters were in the car, Dean put music on. He had to do like everything is going to be ok, for him, and for the ones he loved, and for Castiel. He had to pretend everything is going to be ok, because if he didn’t, he knew that would say that he could never see the angel again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'll see you next week &lt;3 And a early merry christmas to all of you!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When they entered the bunker, Miracle was waiting for them, surprising Eileen and Jack. Knowing that Dean hated animals, they didn’t expect him to let Sam have a dog in the bunker, where they spent most of their time. The surprise was even bigger when they saw Miracle jumping on Dean, and that is only reaction was to laugh, truly happy. Miracle was his only source of joy this last month, as surprising as it was coming from Dean. After introducing his dog to Eileen and Jack, they sat around the war table, and after Dean grabbed beers for all of them, they start talking.</p><p> </p><p>“Ok. Where do we start guys? Defeating God? Finding the angel?” asked Dean.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I think that we all deserve to sleep. We won’t do anything in the state that we’re in right now. We’ll start thinking about what we’ll do tomorrow.” Replied Sam.</p><p> </p><p>“We should start right now, Sam, God won’t sleep and take some time off. We have to hurry”</p><p> </p><p>“Dean, Sam is right. Today was full of emotions, we should take some time off. He said that he’ll go slowly, tomorrow or today won’t do a big difference, but it will for us.” Eileen said.</p><p> </p><p>Eileen was still trying to process everything that God had say. She would never have imagined that God himself could do something this bad. She used to believe in a rightful God, that would do anything for humankind, and she had to learn the hard way that he was just... bored, and that he just wanted puppets to distract him from his boring eternity.</p><p> </p><p>Dean tried to argue, but he couldn’t. He knew that they were right, and that he, probably more than the others, needed sleep. He sighed, and patted Miracle between the ears, without a word, listening to the others talking about this month, and what they all did. Eileen was trying to find a new job, because hunting just seemed... odd to her, and Jack was rebuilding heaven into something better, creating new angels for starter. Everything could have worked for them, if only it wasn’t just another God’s plan.</p><p> </p><p>At the end of the evening, they all went in their room, and tried to sleep. But as much as they needed it, none of them were able to fall asleep this night, except Miracle, asleep in Dean’s bed, with him petting him, trying to fall asleep. He finally stopped trying, because it was pointless, and he was feeling worse every second he spent in the dark, trying to stop thinking about God, Cas, and the entire world that was going to collapse because of him. He made sure not to wake Miracle up, and went in the kitchen, where he saw Jack, sitting in front of the table, eating pb&amp;j. Dean cleared his throat, making sure that the Nephilim was aware of him being in the room, and came close to him, sitting in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>Jack made him a sandwich, without a word. This snack made him think about Castiel, because it was his favorite human food. He wished really hard that his dad could be here, with them. For as long as he knew him, Castiel never gave up, and he always trusted him. Jack, a Nephilim, supposed to be a tool for chaos and destruction, and no matter what happened, Castiel always believed in him, and he knew from the beginning that he was going to be a good person.</p><p> </p><p>“Jack, listen to me. When we were trying to kill God... You heard a conversation between Sam and me, and... You shouldn’t have heard it, I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t apologize, Dean. I know I’m not part of your family, it’s ok.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jack, of course you’re family. I was being stupid. You are part of this family, just like Cas is. You’re the two angelic beings that are not even supposed to be friends with humans but are anyway. And you’re part of this family, and you’ll always be.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean was being sincere. When this conversation happened, everything that mattered was to kill God once and for good, but it was stupid. He shouldn’t have said that, because he had never thought that. Sure, in the beginning he definitely didn’t trust the blond boy, but with all this time they spent together, he would have given his life for him, without a doubt. Just like he would with Sam, or Cas, or even Charlie and Bobby. They were his family.</p><p> </p><p>Dean and Jack stayed here during the whole night, without talking much, just sitting in front of the other. None of them were expecting the other to talk. They understood each other, sharing the same feeling, missing Cas, and wishing they could be able to do something for him. Wishing they could have been able to do something for him, instead of letting him alone in the Empty during all this time.</p><p> </p><p>They haven’t left the place when Sam woke up and joined them in the kitchen. The man, unlike his brother, did fall asleep. He didn’t get a lot of sleep, but it was way better than what Dean and Jack had -which wasn’t hard since they didn’t sleep at all-. For some reasons, after this night without sleep, Jack just seemed to not care and was feeling great, but it was not the case for Dean. He was a grown-up adult, he needed sleep, but once again, he just couldn’t fall asleep, and Sam could see how tired Dean was. He could see, and he was worried. He didn’t know why Dean was feeling this bad, like, sure, remembering Cas and learning that their calm life was one of God manipulation was disruptive, but was it that much? Dean just seemed to feel even worse than he did before Chuck’s revelation, and Sam just didn’t understand why. Of course, Dean was closer to Castiel than Sam was, but he wasn’t sure that it could explain the huge difference between what he was feeling and what Dean was feeling. Maybe the two of them finally decided to date when the angel died, and that was the explanation for Dean’s behavior, but he wasn’t sure. Dean already lost someone he was dating, he lost Lisa, and he haven’t felt this bad. Sam didn’t know, but definitely didn’t want to ask. His brother was already feeling bad enough.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey guys. Eileen is still sleeping, but we should probably get to work. With all the resources from the Men of Letters, we could find something useful, about Cas or God.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, reading again. I can’t wait.” said Dean with a sarcastic tone.</p><p> </p><p>Even if he hated searching things in books (that was more his brother’s thing, he wanted to do the action, not searching how to do it), this time, he was actually fine with it. He wanted all of this shit to be over, he wanted to be free, for the rest of his days. He wanted to retire, and to go to the beach, Sam, Cas and Jack next to him. He wanted to live, really. He wanted to be happy. So he stood up, and was the first one going to take a book.</p><p> </p><p>For the whole morning, they didn’t stop reading. Eileen joined them when she woke up. They didn’t find a thing during the whole morning. Not even a single line with the most insignificant information. They always used to find useful things in the men of letter’s lore, but this time, it was like they were on their own. They spent their whole life controlled by Chuck, and now they just felt left alone. Somehow, Dean hated the feeling, but at the same time, it was one of the best things he ever experienced. He didn’t think that this time, their action was controlled by God. He told them that he was tired this time, that he wouldn’t try again, and he believed him. God was stubborn, but not stupid, oh no. God was even somehow too intelligent. He had his chances, many times, of controlling them. None of them worked, Dean knew that God would stop trying this time. Now, they were really on their own. And they will defeat him, because they had to. So, yes, it will be difficult, so much more difficult that their life normally is, but it’ll worth all the struggle, because at the end of the day, they will kill God.</p><p> </p><p>At lunch time, they were all desperate. Even Dean, who was basically trying to see the good in this situation, was starting to lose hope. He was the first one to slam his book on the table, and stand up.</p><p> </p><p>“Ok stop. Let’s eat, we’re all hungry.”</p><p> </p><p>Nobody in the room was, but they all stopped reading. Even if they didn’t want to eat, they needed a break, before they all start losing their mind. They were fighting things that nobody except them knew about. God? For everyone, he was the best thing in the world, a true leader, a creator, the ultimate lover of the humankind, or he simply didn’t exist. The Empty? Before Cas came back from it, nobody ever heard of it. Searching was pointless, but it was all they had. It was the only thing that they could do, if they didn’t want to lose all hope, and their mind.</p><p> </p><p>In the afternoon, after lunch, they came back to their reading. But once again, it was just... Useless. Pointless. They realized they didn’t have anything left, their world was going to go down, they were going to die, all of humankind was going to disappear, and it was just because God wanted them to follow his rules, but they never agreed to, because they always wanted their liberty. They were the only Sam and Dean in all the universe who did this, and God punished everything he ever created because of them.</p><p> </p><p>In the middle of the afternoon, Dean just sighed and pushed his book away from him. He was tired, and not even physically. He was just, exhausted. He didn’t know where to put his faith, because the one who always believed in good and in victory wasn’t here with him anymore.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re crazy. I know I have to try and believe, but we won’t ever be able to kill God, you know that right?” The hunter said.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe, but we thought we could never defeat Lucifer. We thought we could never defeat the Leviathans. We thought we could never defeat the Darkness, but here we are, trying once again.” Sam replied, not even raising his head to look at his brother.</p><p> </p><p>“Sam is right,” said Eileen “you two stopped unstoppable things more than once, we have to believe that you’ll again, because you’re our biggest and only hope.”</p><p> </p><p>Jack didn’t speak. He didn’t, because he couldn’t reassure Dean. He had stopped believing the second he finished the first book he read today. He stopped because he understood that no matter what they did, it was too late. And it was his fault, he was responsible. Without him, without his birth, God would have never decided to destroy the world in the first place. If he had died on this cemetery, if he had forced Dean to kill him, they would have been alive and somehow free, now. God would have had what he wanted. All of this was happening because of him. And because he had the chance to beat God, but failed. He let God play with him, making him believe that he didn’t have power anymore, while he still did. Jack start talking with a shaking voice, due to how angry with himself he was.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry guys. I’m so sorry, I should have seen that he still had power. I should have seen that he was playing with us all, and that it was his plan from the beginning. I should have.”</p><p> </p><p>“If it’s someone’s fault, it’s mine, Jack. I could have killed God, he was at my mercy, but I decided to play the hero, to do as if I wasn’t just a freaking killer. I could have ended all of this if I hadn’t tried to do as if I was a good person.” replied Dean, trying to be as calm as possible.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not your fault, Dean! It’s not your fault! It’s mine! I hurt you! I hurt all of you! It’s because of me, all of that, and even more! It’s my fault! And I’m useless without my power! I’m useless and I can’t help you! I can’t do anything! I can’t even bring Castiel back!”</p><p> </p><p>Jack’s voice was full of rage, of despair, of sadness. He was young, and those emotions were strong, really strong. Feeling one of them was already hard, but now, he was feeling the three of them, at the same time. Jack didn’t know how to react, his blood was pulsing, his eyes were full of tears, his fists clenched. He made a sudden movement of rage with his hand. And the table, he hadn’t even touched, was thrown to the other side of the room.</p><p> </p><p>Dean, Sam and Eileen choked. Jack didn’t realize.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>See you next week! I hope you had a great christmas &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They looked at each other, without a world, while Jack was slowly calming down. When he finally realized what just happened, he turned around, and see the three other people in the room still in shock because of what they just witnessed. Jack used his powers, which he wasn’t supposed to have anymore. He was supposed to be entirely powerless, God was supposed to have taken every bit of power in his body, but here he was, throwing tables across the room, without having to touch them.</p><p> </p><p>“Jack... Your power... Is it back...?” Asked Sam.</p><p> </p><p>“No... I don’t think so... I don’t feel like I have my power, but... There is something, I don’t know what it is… But I can feel it now, there is something…”</p><p> </p><p>A few minutes ago, they all felt like fighting was useless, they didn’t have any hope left, but this simple declaration, this « something » made them believe once again. If Jack had power, even just a little bit, they could kill God. They could do it, they will do it. With Jack, their combat wasn’t completely vain. Yes, they weren’t able to kill God the first time, but the Nephilim had been able to made God almost powerless, and they could have killed him. Maybe it was just because it was what God wanted them to do, but it meant that they could do something. Their fight wasn’t already lost, they could see a light of hope, a possible happy end.</p><p> </p><p>They all stopped everything they were doing. First of all, they were not sure to find anything in the men of letter’s books, but more importantly, they felt like maybe, just maybe, they could find answers from something else. After all, they didn’t need to find a way to kill God without any power, or to create power for a Nephilim. They just had to find a way to make a Nephilim’s mojo more powerful. And luckily for them, they actually knew somebody who could help with this kind of stuff. Visiting this person just required a bit of preparation, but it wasn’t the first time they did it. Going to Hell... wasn’t hard, when your last name is Winchester. All they needed was a person who would agree to stay on Earth, to make sure the spell they would use was still working when they were away, but that wasn’t a problem either. Eileen definitely didn’t want to go to Hell. She had already been there once, and didn’t plan to go back, especially not willingly.</p><p> </p><p>They spent the rest of the day gathering all they needed for the spell, using all the knowledge Sam learned from Rowena. Even if Dean often mocked him for that, he had to admit that Sam’s skills in magic, as elementary as they were, had been useful in the past, and will be once again.</p><p> </p><p>They were ready to go before sundown. Sam had prepared everything, and Dean had been able to fall asleep, just for an hour, but at least, he wasn’t going to collapse at any moment. He had just needed some hope, something to believe in. When he came back in the room with the others, everything was ready. Sam just had to recite the spell, and they would be in Hell. It could probably be something scary, but at this moment, in this room, it seemed like a fairy tale, like an incredible thing. The Winchester didn’t fear Hell, they stopped long ago, and the person they were going to visit made it even easier. It would be ok, everything will be ok, and they will find a way to give Jack all his mojo back.</p><p> </p><p>When they arrived in Hell, the three boys immediately find what they were going to search. A demon, surprised to see them here, and already ready to fight them.</p><p> </p><p>“Calm down boy. We’re not here to fight, we just want to see your queen.” Said Dean to the demon.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you want to do with her? She’s busy. She won’t see you until at least tomorrow, you should just take an appointment.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Take us to her. We’re the freaking Winchesters, we don’t take appointments.”</p><p> </p><p>The demon gaped at them. Every demon on Hell knew about the Winchesters, and only the most powerful of them tried to take them down at this point. The minor demons like he was didn’t even try, they avoided them as much as possible. And, since he didn’t want to die, he asked them to follow him, and went directly to the throne room. He opened the door, and announced the Winchesters.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello boys” cheerly said Rowena, sitting on the throne, stunning as always.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello Rowena. Can we have a minute. Alone? We have important business.” Dean replied.</p><p> </p><p>The red hair queen made every demon leave the room without any hesitation. She would never admit that, but the boys really did grew on her, and she understood why Fergus helped them so many time. Because now, she was the one helping them anytime. Winchester’s effect, it seemed to be.</p><p> </p><p>When they were finally alone, Sam and Jack sat on the chairs that were in the room, but Dean stayed stand, laying on one of the columns. Sam started explaining the whole situation, sometimes interrupted by Dean or Jack, clarifying things. When Sam started talking about Castiel, and his death, Dean started talking, cutting short the conversation, only saying that he died protecting him. He didn’t want to talk about him in detail, and his voice made it clear. Rowena looked at him for a second, trying to understand what could have really happen, other than dying, with Castiel since the last time she saw the boys, making Dean avoid talking about him that much.</p><p> </p><p>Sam finished his narrative by the incident at the bunker. This part really caught Rowena’s attention. That was... Surprising. She couldn’t understand why God would have leave Jack with power, if he had stopped trying to get the ending he wanted. It didn’t make sense, it was too dangerous to do. The only option was that…</p><p> </p><p>“God doesn’t know you still have power. He didn’t left power to Jack on purpose.” She concluded.</p><p> </p><p>“How could he have missed power? He’s God, he’s supposed to be perfect?” Asked Sam.</p><p> </p><p>“First of all, he’s not perfect, he’s just a son of a bitch” said Dean “but... Maybe he didn’t. Maybe this power didn’t exist when Chuck was here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you suggesting that... When Chuck took his power back, it could have created power...? That I could have picked, the same way I vacuumed power from Lucifer and Michael’s fight, or Michael’s death...?” Questioned Jack.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe, Jack. It’s not a bad idea. It could be that, after all, you’ve been able to gain power from other things because of Death and The Empty right? Those two are independent, God can’t control them... It makes sense.” Said Sam.</p><p> </p><p>They had hope, and they had an explanation. That was more than they could have ever expected after this morning. There was no way God could expect them to have a beginning of a plan this fast. But they did. They will beat God, it was just a matter of time now. Jack had power, and they’ll find a way to make him gain enough of it to kill God. But he had to stay hidden, he had to keep his powers a secret for everyone. If God happened to learn about them, they would lose the war. Jack was their only plan, and he had to be a secret weapon. They were five to know about him, and it was already too much. Even their closest friends shouldn’t know. For everyone on this universe, Jack had to be considered as a powerless kid, a human.</p><p> </p><p>Once they all agreed on this part, they asked Rowena if there was something to do, to help Jack regain his powers quicker. They could wait, they knew that, if he had even just a little bit of power, he could become powerful, just by waiting. But they didn’t have any time left, they had to act quick. They knew that God would take his time, but he won’t let them beat him. They had to consider that they only had a few months left. Jack had to be in full capacity as soon as possible. But Rowena couldn’t do anything. She could have, maybe, if Jack was only an angel, and it wasn’t even sure, but a Nephilim, son of Lucifer? No, even her couldn’t do anything for them. But she assured them that whatever they needed, she would be here, and she would help them. After all, even if she hadn’t been fond of the Winchesters boys, God was threatening everyone, Earth, Heaven and Hell. As a queen, she had to protect her kingdom.</p><p> </p><p>The boys were somehow relieved. They had a powerful ally, that could provide them an army if they needed. In a war against God, having Hell as your ally was a good thing. They couldn’t trust Heaven and they couldn’t trust most of the humans. It was probably the first time that the only one they could trust was Hell.</p><p> </p><p>They then agreed to leave a portal open, that only them would be able to go through, linking Rowena’s palace to the bunker. This way, they could travel here to require the witch’s help, without having to leave someone behind, and it would be far more convenient for all of them. No need to find a demon, they just had to show up whenever they needed anything.</p><p> </p><p>After this conversation, they went back to the Bunker. Eileen was here, reading a book, making sure the spell was still going. She smiled and welcomed them when they arrived. Sam explained her what happened in hell. Today seemed to be the day where he only had to talk and recount events. They then all agreed that they couldn’t sleep for the moment, and since they still didn’t have an answer, they all went back in their books. They all knew that they wouldn’t find anything, but it was just to have something to do. They were just occupying their mind, waiting for one of them to have a brilliant idea.</p><p> </p><p>But even hours after they start reading, none of them had this idea that would resolve everything. They were starting to despair. It was annoying, something was right, but the second after, everything felt apart and they didn’t find anything. It used to never happen, they used to find things pretty quickly, or at least, when they started finding answer, they didn’t have time where they just felt hopeless, because they always used to find answers to all of the other questions they had, and quickly. But they knew it was just because God was writing their story, and a story where characters are getting desperate is not a good thing. A writer always have to help his characters into finding their answers, finding a way to defeated what they needed to defeat. But now, they were alone, without anyone writing their story, and they had to experience the same life as everyone, the same desperation as every human on this Earth trying to find answers.</p><p> </p><p>Sam yawned, feeling tired, and was going to tell the other people in the room he was going to sleep, but he was stopped by Dean, standing up, smiling. He had the brilliant idea that could help them. He didn’t even know how, but he had it, reading those boring books. The hunter asked them all to wait in the room, and he went running to one of their storage room, the one keeping their most powerful items.</p><p> </p><p>When he came back, he had in his hands a piece of tissue. His smile still hadn’t vanished off his face as he opened the tissue, revealing the demon’s tablet. Sure Jack was half angel, not demon, but the angel tablet didn’t exist anymore, and after all, Lucifer was the original king of Hell, the answers for his son could be in this tablet.</p><p> </p><p>This news woke Sam up. This was the crazy brilliant idea they were all waiting for. They just needed someone to read it for them, and asking Donatello was a very bad idea. They knew he was connected to God, and that it could reduce their chance of success by a hundred percent. God must have been watching his prophet, ready to accelerate Earth’s destruction if the Winchesters were going to try something.</p><p> </p><p>Dean and Sam looked at each other, the same idea in mind. They asked Jack and Eileen to stay here, took the tablet with them, and hurry up. They entered Hell, using the gate that Rowena created. Speaking of the devil, she was in the room where the portal was, reading a book. She raised her head, and Dean talked, before she even had the time to say hello, again.</p><p> </p><p>“Rowena. Bring us to Kevin Tran.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>see you next week &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kevin had been in Hell for years now, and it never had become easy. This place was all about torture, loneliness... Time was different, here in Hell. For him, it has been decades, suffering here, after God lied to him and the Winchesters by sending him here, because He didn’t need the prophet anymore. Kevin was, for the demons, just another soul, he never made a trade or anything. His death could have been worse, it could have been like Dean’s journey in Hell, at least, he never had to do the choice of torturing people or being tortured. Today was just another day, as he saw hundreds before, but it seemed different. Demons seemed to be waiting for someone, and they still hadn’t started the tortures, which was odd since they normally did at this hour of the day. Kevin only understood what was happening today when he saw three figures approaching. He could recognize two of them really easily. Sam and Dean Winchesters. The one for who he died, and for whom he would die again, a thousand times if they needed it. They were two of the best humans he ever met in his short life. Kevin could recognize the Winchesters boys, but the third person? He never met this woman in his life. He only understood that she was important when all of the demons knelt before her. The women approached him, a satisfied look on the face. She loved seeing people knelt before her, she loved being powerful, Kevin could see that. The Winchesters followed her close, and they were smiling at the boy.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello Kevin. Sorry to interrupt... Well... Whatever was going to happen to you.” Said Dean.</p><p> </p><p>Kevin saw the woman talk to the demons, and one of them took Kevin’s chains off, setting him free. Sam asked him to follow them, they started walking away as quickly as they arrived. In two sentences, they stopped his tortures. He tried to understand what was happening, but none of them wanted to talk for now. They were not protected enough, in the middle of Hell.</p><p> </p><p>When they arrived at Rowena’s palace, they all sat in an empty room, just the four of them. The red hair women introduced herself, as Rowena McLeod, the queen of Hell, and a friend. Kevin was always suspicious vis-à-vis royalty in Hell, but with what he went through with Crowley, it was understandable.</p><p> </p><p>“Kevin, we need your help. But we can’t really explain to you what is happening.” started Sam. “We just need you to try to find something about nephilim’s power in here.”</p><p> </p><p>He showed the demon’s tablet in Dean’s hand. Kevin stood up, and came closer to look at this tablet, which he had seen so much, maybe even too much. But in a way, he missed this thing. Maybe it was because it had been the beginning of an adventure, or because it was thanks to it that he had the chance to do something that actually mattered for the world. He gently took the tablet, and when he tried to read, his vision blurred. Yes, he could read it. His prophet’s skills weren’t gone, even dead. Somehow, he missed his role as a prophet. He always hated it, because it means having so much responsibilities, not being able to see the ones he loved, but he missed being one.</p><p> </p><p>“I will try guys. But I can’t promise anything, I never saw anything about Nephilims in here before. But I will try.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, Kevin. Oh and, last thing... We can’t tell you what it is about, and you have to keep this mission a secret, for everyone. Nobody must know that we’re searching informations about Nephilims. Nobody, your mother, your eventual friends, the demons, God... You must keep this mission for yourself. And Rowena. She’s the only one you’re allowed to talk to about this mission” Dean seriously told him.</p><p> </p><p>Kevin frowned. It seemed serious, and even if Dean and Sam had to fight serious things before, this time seemed worse. They went to him, not even sure Kevin would be able to help them, while they had Donatello, still alive and well, that could definitely help them, but they chose to come to him. He was flattered but worried at the same time. Because it could only mean that there was a problem.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure guys. I will keep it secret, I promise. But when everything is over, you better tell me what is happening. It seems really serious.”</p><p> </p><p>“It sure is. We’ll tell you, if we win. Otherwise, we won’t even have to.” Sam responded.</p><p> </p><p>They talked for a bit, before Rowena left, having demon’s problems to deal with. The Winchesters then also left. Kevin was left alone with the tablet, and he didn’t waste time before starting reading it. In all of his months in contact with the tablet, he never read anything about Nephilim’s grace in there, but who knows? He had discovered new things every time he took a look at the tablet. He had learn that every bit of information, just a word, a sentence, could be of so much help, and that’s what he was going to search for. Anything. He blindly trusted the Winchesters boy, he knew that whatever they were doing, they were doing good, and it was the only thing that mattered.</p><p> </p><p>When Dean and Sam came back to the bunker, Eileen and Jack were waiting for them, the hunter learning some sign language to the Nephilim. The scene was sweet, and the brothers came closer without a noise. They didn’t want this scene to stop, they all had to live through so much, having a bit of calm and sweetness couldn’t hurt them. They deserved to have moments like those ones, living a normal and happy life.</p><p> </p><p>“We should go to sleep guys. We still have to search on our owns, things about Nephilims… And how to make Cas come back.” Sam said.</p><p> </p><p>All of them agreed, and they all went to their room. Even Jack, who didn’t need much sleep, went in his room, even if wasn’t going to sleep, he wanted to feel like everything was normal. The only one who stayed longer out of his room was Dean. He wanted to sleep, but also... He needed to do something else, before going to sleep. He walked to Castiel’s room, the one he stayed the most in when he was at the bunker. He sat on the bed, and looked at the place. It was empty but he felt safe here, as if Castiel was still protecting him, even dead, like he always did. Dean stayed on the bed for a while, until he saw a tape player on the desk. He didn’t know that Castiel owned one of these things, he never saw him listen to music, except when Dean forced him during road trip. He opened the player, to see if there was a tape in it, and his heart skipped a beat. There was a tape in it, and not every tape. There was the mixtape he made him, with his favorite Zeppelin’s songs. Dean never had realized that Castiel actually cared about this mixtape, he thought that the angel left it somewhere, in a drawer or anything, and that he never really thought about it anymore, but it seemed like Cas listened to it, more than once. Dean should have put it back in the player, but he just couldn’t. He kept it in his hand, while he left the room, going back to his.</p><p> </p><p>When Dean woke up the next morning, the mixtape had not left his hand. He fell asleep holding it, and it was the first night in weeks where he actually slept well. It felt weird, feeling refreshed in the morning. After a minute, he moved to sit on the bed, and this movement woke up Miracle, sleeping on the floor in front of him. The dog jumped to go see his owner. It was like a tradition, every morning, Miracle would wait for Dean to wake up, and he would greet him. Dean felt great with this dog, which was funny considered his hatred for animals. But Miracle was not an ordinary dog, he was the only thing alive when God made everyone disappear, and he had been the miracle Dean was waiting for to keep going. When Jack brought him back, after Chuck’s fall (or what it seemed to be), Miracle immediately recognized Dean, and didn’t want to leave him anymore, and Dean was just happy with that.</p><p> </p><p>The hunter petted the dog for a while, and then he stood up. He put on some clothes, and most importantly, he put the mixtape in his pocket. This object made him feel safe, just like the whole room of Castiel. In moments like that, he really needed to feel as safe as possible. He needed a reminder of this idiot who helped him believe in everything. He missed his best friend. He missed him so much.</p><p> </p><p>Dean left his room, followed by Miracle, and went to the kitchen. He wanted to grab a beer, but was stopped by his little brother. Sam had never stopped him before, he always let him drink even during breakfast, sometime with a look of disapproval, but never before Sam grabbed his hand, restraining him from taking a bottle. The youngest brother didn’t say a thing, but he didn’t need to. Sam could see how messed up Dean was with the whole Castiel dead and Chuck alive situation, even if Dean was doing all he could to hide what he was feeling. Sam could see, and he didn’t want his brother to make himself more miserable that he already was. He didn’t want it, but also, he needed his brother to keep going. They had to both keep believing, no matter what. Because what was going to happen next was on them, once again. They were the universe’s last hope, and they had to keep going, to save everyone and everything Chuck ever created, and haven’t destroy yet.</p><p> </p><p>Dean sighed, and grabbed the bottle of orange juice and some eggs and bacon. Not that he was hungry, but once again, he had to hide how damaged he was. Sam already knew he was messed up, Dean had to make sure he didn’t know how much. He knew that it was a stupid thing to do, they often hide things from the other one and it never ended well, but he really didn’t want his brother to see this. Never in his life losing someone made him feel like that. Like, of course he felt really bad when Sam died, he felt like nothing, he wanted Sam to be back so much, but now? With Castiel? It was different. And he felt like shit. And he hated that.</p><p> </p><p>After breakfast, and after Dean and Miracle went for their everyday walk, the whole team met up in the common room, where they were going to spend the most of their time for the next few days, or even weeks. They were all going to start their researchs, when Eileen saw someone calling her, a hunter, in search for help in a difficult hunt. After talking for a bit, she hung up and looked at the boys.</p><p> </p><p>“I have to go help him guys, I’m really sorry, but if you’re not in the game for the hunts, we need to all keep going and fight them for you.” She said.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course, Eileen. Stay safe, and come back quick.” Replied Sam.</p><p> </p><p>The two of them stood up, quickly kissed, smiled at each other, and Eileen went packing her stuff while Sam sat back in his chair, still smiling. He always, for obvious reasons (all of his girlfriends died), thought that he wasn’t meant for loving someone, but Eileen made him feel great, and like, yes she died, two times already, but she always came back, proving with hard facts that she was in a way a Winchester too.</p><p> </p><p>When Eileen came back to say goodbye, the group was already on the middle of their research. The hunter left the bunker, and they were alone, just the three of them. They often had been in the last 3 years, but it was the first time that Castiel was dead. The only time that happened was in the very beginning, when Jack was a new born. But the ambiance wasn’t the same anymore. Dean wasn’t mad at Jack, he didn’t hold him responsible. In fact, he was just happy to have the boy with him. They felt like a family, showing once again that family don’t end in blood, and it will never do. Nobody talked, they were all just reading, a pen in the end, in case they would have to take if they saw something that could help. But they didn’t find anything. Nevertheless, they didn’t stop believing this time, they didn’t lose hope. And every time Dean started feeling like he should just stop and accept his destiny, he could feel in his pocket the comforting touch of the mixtape, reminding him where his hope was, and that he was going to see him again soon.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you're having a good day and that everything is going well for you guys!</p>
<p>I'm here with a new chapter, I hope you'll like it!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>One week ago, Dean and Sam were asking Kevin to try and find things about Nephilim’s power on the tablet. They only had news once, just him saying that the tablet did mention the existence of a hybrid between an angel and a human, but from what he was reading, the solution to give back a Nephilim his power wasn’t on the tablet. Somehow, it made sense. Nephilims were often more powerful than their angelic parent, and God had to predict that a son of an archangel could become even more powerful than himself, and therefore, did not put any information about how to make them more powerful on his Words. The Winchesters asked Kevin to concentrate more on the notes that Metatron added when he wrote The Word of God. The angel didn’t know anything about God’s plan or how unbearable it would be for him to be less powerful than a living thing, so his notes could be useful.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>During this week, the boys did not stop searching on their own, not doing anything but that. They only left the Bunker to do some groceries, or making a jogging for Sam or walking with Miracle for Dean, and sometimes Jack. The two spent a lot of time together, and Sam didn’t mind. They both lose Castiel, a father, and a best friend. The the angel meant so much to them, and even if he loves Cas, he knows that their relationship had nothing in common with the one that Dean and Jack had with him. And he was happy, somehow, to see his brother taking care of the Nephilim, after everything that happened between them those three last years. They really seemed to get better along together, and Sam couldn’t be happier. Dean seemed to struggle less when he was talking with someone that could relate to the loss of Castiel, because, even if the green-eyed man tried to hide it, Sam knew that he never been so down ever in his life. Castiel died before, but this time it was special, and Sam couldn’t understand exactly why, but he knew, and he also knew that Dean didn’t want to talk about anything, and even just mentioning the name of his angel put him in a state of silence and sadness, and Sam didn’t try anymore. Only Jack could, and they would spend hours, speaking low. It felt strange. Dean never had been the serious one, but here, with the blond nephilim, he looked like a dad, a father. He looked older. Sam never saw him like that. And he didn’t know if he liked what Dean was right now. He somehow really wished he could have his big brother back, the one who did jokes when he shouldn’t, the one who would complain whenever they have to search through all the lores for days. The Dean he had in front of him right now, wasn’t complaining. He was searching in the books, talking notes, he didn’t say a thing, even if Sam could clearly see how bored he was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean didn’t say a thing, because when he stopped looking for some piece of informations, his brain immediately put him in the room where he saw Cas for the last time, where the angel left him, after sacrificing himself.  He thought about that all the time, and he couldn’t talk about how bad he felt, how much he would have wanted to stop Cas before it was too late, to make him shut up, to prevent him from dying this way. They could have found another way, they always did. Every part of him was telling him that, no, this time, they didn’t had a choice, there were no other way, except dying. Castiel did the right thing, the only thing he could have done. But Dean hated it, and he just wished everything in his life could have gone different, and that he could have prevent this exact moment. Dean just wished everything was different, but he knew he couldn’t change the past, it had been proved several times now. He just had to make the right thing now, and it meant spending all of his goddam days searching in those boring books, anything, just the most insignificant information. A word, a strange formulation, just the mention of the existence of the angels or God, really anything. Anything on how to kill God. Anything on how to give all Jack’s power back to him. Anything on how to bring his angel back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean often stayed late, with a beer in the hand, making his research. Tonight was one of those nights, but he wasn’t alone. Jack, who almost didn’t sleep, was sitting on the stairs, petting Miracle who was already asleep. The bunker was calm, and Sam was probably sleeping or talking to Eileen, who was still on her hunt, that seemed more difficult that what she had initially planned. Dean was happy for his little brother, even if he often liked to mock him, because that was what big brother are for, but he really thought that Eileen was the best thing that Sam could have ever expected. She was one of them, a hunter, she was funny, comprehensible, smart, she definitely was the best match for a guy like Sam. Dean only wished that when everything was finally over, the two lovebirds could have a great life, with 2,5 stupid kids and a stupid house with a labrador or any stupid dog you could see in those « perfect families ». He didn’t see himself living this life, but it was what Sam wanted, he was almost sure of that. Dean, him, just wanted to live happy. On the road or a cool apartment or anything cool that Sam would not want. But in every dream life Dean had, Castiel was here, by his side.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean was feeling sleep taking over, and was thinking about heading his bed, when a note scribbled on the side of the text draw his attention. It was written in a hurry, like the person was trying to hide an information from someone, and just wrote it there when they weren’t watching, to make sure someone would find it someday. It had nothing to do with the book it was written on, or at least, he thought it didn’t, since it was written in latin and he only had pretty basic notion of latin, but yeah, he definitely could understand « angelus », and he definitely could say that it had nothing to do with « hunting werewolves in Europe », which was technically the topic of the book. He stopped reading right there, observing this note. He knew he was supposed to run to Sam and make him translate whatever shit was written here, but he didn’t stood up. It felt surreal. It was a lead, the first one since they started working. To be honest, he wasn’t even sure that it could be a clue, but he had the gut that this scribble was important.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean finally decided himself, and start running to Sam’s room, followed closely by a Jack, who wasn’t understanding anything happening, and a Miracle thinking that it’s time to play, since his owner was running. Dean entered Sam’s room without a knock, waking him suddenly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sam! Sorry, don’t have time to let you sleep, I may have something. A latin note about angels, I don’t know I don’t speak latin. Hurry up, I’ll make you coffee, promise.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam’s only response was an indistinct groan, that Dean took for a positive reaction, and he headed to the kitchen, to make coffee for his 6’4 brother. Dean felt strange. Some part of him wanted to translate the notes quickly as possible, since it could be a possible lead, but the other part wanted to forgot about that, to never understand what it means. This note gave Dean hope, making him believe that they could have actually find something useful, but maybe it wasn’t the case, maybe this scribble didn’t mean anything, maybe it was just some stuff a drunk man wrote there. And Dean didn’t want that. He wanted to find things, he wanted all of this to be over.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam started translating, after finishing his coffee. It took a while, since the man was half asleep, and Dean was feeling nervous during the whole time his brother stayed silent. When Sam finally finished translating, he had a smile on his lips, which made Dean’s stress go away. A smile like that is always a good thing, isn’t it? Sam wasn’t smiling sadly, it was pure pride, happiness and confidence. It was definitely a good thing. His brother had good news.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok, so… It’s definitely something.” Sam said, before reading what he just translated. “It seems like I found something I wasn’t supposed to, and now, they’re trying to silence me. I have to say this to somebody, before they understand that I know. To restore the grace and the power of an angel, you have to cast the spell, using the blood of the angel and a human, an angel’s feather and a Hand of God. No need for vampires, they’re nephilims beloved.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“First of all, it doesn’t help either for Jack’s problem or for Cas. And.. What the hell is this last part? I mean, vampires are nephilims beloved? What?” asked Dean, confused as hell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam stood up, and looked at every book they had on vampires. One of them had blood on it, just a drop, but that was suspicious enough for Sam to open it. In the middle of the book, he found the same kind of scribble there was in the book about werewolves. This time, the translation was way faster, since Sam was definitely wide awake. The man wrote in English the whole note, and Dean took his paper as soon as he had finished writing on it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why are certain words in capital letters?” he asked to his little brother.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know. They were already in capital letters on the notes, I just let them.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean looked once again at the paper. “for nephilim’s grace, I am giving you the answer. you need 13 IVY leaf, blood of the FALLEN and the DAMNED. NO need for ENOCHIAN, if you put WILLOW bark and LILAC with some sugar.” It didn’t have any sense. What did they have to do with this? It wasn’t a spell, no indication on what to do next, if the nephilim was supposed to eat that, drink that, use it as a soap, nothing. Dean sighed. It was a start, it was something, but informations were missing here.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We have everything we need in here. We can start making whatever this thing is.” Dean finally said, after looking at the paper for some minutes, asking himself the same question over and over, what will they do when every ingredient will be put together?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wait Dean, the blood of the Fallen and the Damned? Last time we had to use the blood of the Fallen, it was Cas. We don’t have Cas, and we don’t have his blood anywhere left. And the damned? Who could it be?” asked Sam.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We have the blood of Cas. We have a bit of it left. Trust me. And, technically, I had the mark of Cain once, I was damned. It could work, and we don’t have time to imagine if it didn’t. Jack, man, can you find some Ivy leaf, Willow bark and Lilac please? And Sam, try to find informations on what we’re supposed to do after having all the ingredients.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They all nodded, and Sam stayed on his chair, looking at the book he had in his hands, while Jack and Dean both left the room. Dean immediately went to his room, and searched for a minute in one of his drawers, before finding his jacket. The one he was wearing when Cas died. On the shoulder, right where Cas touched him to throw him away, saving him from both Death and the Empty, his handprint was still visible. Dean loved this jacket, and the blood kind of ruined it, but he wasn’t able to wash it to make it disappear, and apparently, it had been a good idea to just ignore it, and save it like that. Looking at the jacket made his chest ache, but he just chose to ignore it. They finally had something, they will be able to give Jack his power back, and he will bring Cas back, it was sure. He will be able to do that, he already did in the past. Dean knew that soon, soon he will have Cas back right next to him, protecting him, making him feel safer than he ever had. It always had been the way Dean felt, next to Cas. He felt safe, protected. Dean smiled. He just had to wait, just a little bit more, and Castiel will be back, as he always had.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>All the boys met up in the main room of the Bunker. All of the ingredients were there, on one of the tables. Sam didn’t find any new piece of information, and they were debating on what they should do now. Jack and Dean were agreeing, thinking that they should just mix all of the ingredients together, and then try things until something works, but Sam thought it would be way better if they just waited and search for more informations before starting anything. He finally agree, when Dean reminded him that they had every time they needed, and they could start over if needed, since none of the ingredients were hard to find -except maybe the « fallen’s blood », but they had a full handprint of blood, it should be sufficient-, and they were not sure to find news informations for a while.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After they all agreed on the plan -the lack of plan if we wanted to be precise-, the three of them began to mix all of the ingredients together. The harder was to scratch enough blood off of Dean’s jacket, without any fiber of the said jacket, but they all had known worse obstacle. When everything had been put together, they all looked at each other with a disappointed look. Nothing had happened, not a light, not a sign that what they were doing was good. They just had to try doing things now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They spent hours, trying to make this thing work. Jack ingested some of this awful mix, they tried to put some of the mixture on the Nephilim, tried, tried, tried and tried again, everything, every idea. Nothing worked. This clue was nothing, it was just some shit a drunk man had written here, just as Dean had feared.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Screw this. Screw all of this.” the hunter said, looking and sounding so disappointed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Dean... Maybe we should concentrate on fighting God, maybe without my power...” tried to say Jack, wanting to cheer him up a little, giving some ideas to keep going.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Jack is not wrong, Dean. Maybe there is something we can do with what we have, even if we don’t have anything as powerful as a Nephilim at full power...” continued Sam, stopped by Dean, who slammed his fist on the table.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shut the fuck up. Both of you. If we don’t give you your power back, Jack, we will never have Cas back. And I don’t want to defeat God if I have to live without Cas.” He was yelling at them. He was furious, that they even could think of this possibility. And he was so mad at himself, for even considering risking the entire universe, just for his angel. But he did, and he would again a thousand time and even more. He would risk everything, without a doubt, for his angel.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean did not wait for any of the two people in the room to answer before grabbing Baby’s key, and Miracle’s leash. He needed to be alone for a while, to calm down. He drove in silence, Miracle behind him, laying on a blanket on baby’s back seat. The sun started to rise, without Dean realizing it. He was driving for hours now, and he didn’t even know where he was. He finally parked Baby when he understood exactly where he was, and why did he come here. In front of him, proudly standing, was a barn that he knew very well. It was in this building that he first saw Castiel. He still remembered this day perfectly. Of course he did, how could he forgot this day, where he started believing in angels, because he didn’t have a choice anymore.</p><p> </p><p>The hunter let Miracle jump off the car, and walked to the barn, his dog right next to him. Miracle and Dean understood each other, and the dog always stayed close to him when they were outside. Dean pushed the door, and everything in this place made him go back 12 years ago. Nothing had change here, all the sigils that Bobby and he put here where still perfect. It was like time had frozen here, that it had been several hours since someone entered the barn, and not 12 years.</p><p> </p><p>He sat against one of the walls, and did not move. He knew he should be at the Bunker with Jack and his brother, trying to find a way to save his idiotic angel, but he wasn’t able to just come back and try again. He didn’t want to find another false trail. It would crush him, probably. He just wanted his angel back, now. He wanted him to help them, to be here with Dean when he felt like a loser, when he hated himself because he had not killed Chuck when he had had the chance. He wanted Cas next to him, reassuring him like he always did.</p><p> </p><p>Dean was feeling hopeless, and he did what he knew best in those moments. He closed his eyes, and start praying. He hasn’t done that in months, because until now, Castiel was always close, or he didn’t want to see him, or he didn’t even remember him. But know, alone in this barn, his mind unable to think of anything else than Castiel, he prayed again. He prayed to Cas, begging him to wake up, to annoy the Empty again, to come back, as he always did. He begged him to listen to him, to be somewhere, to be awake. He needed him to be awake, to hear him. He begged, he prayed, he cried even, during hours. But nothing, not a single sign, not the slightest thing. He was alone, and he was so lost.</p><p> </p><p>The hunter didn’t move for the rest of the night. He probably fell asleep at some point, because he opened his eyes late in the morning, while the sun was high in the sky. Miracle was asleep too, his head on Dean’s lap. The man waited a few minutes before waking his dog up. He had been gone for too long, he knew he had to come back to the Bunker eventually. He had to keep going, he knew that, and as much as it hurt, he knew that Castiel had sacrifice himself to let him live, and he had to make everything he could to not make his sacrifice vain. He had to continue, for Castiel. He would continue, for him, and when everything would be over, he would find a way to bring him back, no matter what.</p><p> </p><p>The paper in Dean’s pocket made a rustled sound when he stood up, which intrigued Dean. He didn’t remember having a paper on his pocket, and when he took it off, he realized it was the one with the ingredient for the supposed cure for Nephilim’s power. Looking at it, he realized for the second time how odd those words in capital letter were. He never saw any list of ingredients using words in capital letter, even for emphasize. It was even more strange considering the fact that the person who supposedly wrote this list did not put any word in capital letter in the other thing he wrote in the men of letters books. And, another odd thing, was that only one ingredient was in normal letter.</p><p> </p><p>“Son of a bitch.” Dean muttered for himself, as he slammed the paper on one of the tables of the barn.</p><p> </p><p>After some time in the building, and a few hours drive back to the Bunker, Dean entered the room where Jack and Sam were, back to their research. Both of them looked at Dean, while he approached. When Dean put the piece of paper on the table, he felt so proud, because he had found a thing that would help them. Because he solved a problem Sam didn’t.</p><p> </p><p>“It was not a fucking list, Sammy. It was a code. The only ingredient normally written was the sugar. And you know who would put sugar absolutely everywhere?” Dean asked</p><p> </p><p>“Gabriel... Wait, Gabriel wrote this thing? And what is the code you’re talking about?” Sam replied, looking at his brother, and not at the paper he put on the table.</p><p> </p><p>“Sam, I think you should look at what Dean wrote here...” Jack was holding the paper at Sam’s height.</p><p> </p><p>“Winfield… Wait. Gabriel had a storage unit in Winfield, didn’t he? Do you think he could have hidden something there for us to find?”</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly, Sammy.” Was the only thing Dean said, before showing Baby’s keys in his hand, like he was saying them to hurry up so they can head to Winfield as quick as possible.</p><p> </p><p>The trip to Winfield may have been more than 3h long, but time had flown, and without them realizing it, they were already at the storage place Gabriel rented every month. Convincing the guardian to let them go to Gabriel’s unit without an ID had been easier than they expected, they only had to ask nicely, and the woman let them. No need of a gun or any intimidation, they just had to ask. It was suspicious, and Sam and Dean stayed on their guard as they entered the unit.</p><p> </p><p>The place was mostly empty, and it took less than 20 minutes to find what they were searching for. There was not a lot of things interesting in there, Gabriel basically only had old stuffs and old magazines. It was when Dean opened one of the boxes to find a bunch of DVD of Casa Erotica that he knew he found what they were searching here. Gabriel already had contacted them, and help them, through the help of one of those things, and Dean knew that this was exactly what he would do again. His hand went through his hair as he took a deep breath again, trying not to get his hopes too high. He knew that Gabriel would help if he could, but he had to not expect too much from that, not before they learn what they had to do, and before Jack have his powers back.</p><p> </p><p>All the leads they had since the beginning made him felt like he was in an emotional roller coaster, all the freaking time. One minute he was fine, his hopes were high and he felt like they were doing to defeat God, and the second after, the world didn’t matter anymore, and he knew that their efforts were vain.</p><p> </p><p>Dean always had been the sibling who try not to hope, who is pessimistic all the time. It was Sam’s job to believe, not his. But in this case, he wanted to believe. He needed to. For Cas. He had to for him, because he was the only one to really know what was happening to him. He was the only one to really know what was his happiness. He was the only one to know, and he had to save him.</p><p> </p><p>After coming back to the Bunker, and sleeping a few hours, Jack, Sam and Dean sat down in front of the TV, Gabriel’s DVD in it. Explaining to the Nephilim what was happening in the DVD and why was his uncle surrounded by three women without any clothes was really uncomfortable, even more than when Dean had to explain what was pornography to Castiel, and they chose to not explain, and to tell him to focus more on what Gabe would say.</p><p> </p><p>They had a dozen of DVD to watch, and they were very lucky that Gabriel only let them without any pornographic content, but most of what they watched was useless, and just Gabriel giving advices on random subjects. They had to watch 5 of those videos before actually finding something useful. Gabriel looked really serious on this one, more than they ever saw him actually.</p><p> </p><p>“Sam and Dean, if you see this, well, I think it’s no good for me. I must be dead, and really this time. And you must have serious problems. Ok, if you see this, it must be about the Nephilim and his powers. Because, I presume, he lost his powers and you were searching how to give them back to him. Lucky you, uncle Gabe knows how to give him his powers back. But it’ll be dangerous, and I can’t promise you that it will work without any of you dead. This part is not a hundred percent sure, but yeah, one of you could die in the process, maybe even both. And make sure it’s not Cassie, and that he’s not even near you when you try, it could be even worse than death for him.” Reassuring, thought Dean, before Gabriel continued. “You need to go where Jack was born. The place has a trace of him, and will for the rest of his life and even after. In this place, there is still his power kind of everywhere. Then, it become difficult. Jack has to touch a human soul, and when he feels like his power is coming back, he has to stop. He has to do it like, right before. A second before and he won’t have his powers back, a second after and the human will die, and he won’t even have his powers back. And it has to be one of you two, Winchesters. Don’t ask, I don’t even know why, which annoys me. When it’ll be done, Jack will have all of his power back, and will probably use it, without realizing. It could blast you, and you won’t have time to protect you, so let’s hope it won’t happen ok? But even if he has his powers back, he might not be able to control them in the beginning. He had to take some time to adjust, and that means no use of his powers, for any reason. It’s really important guys, he must not use them, he won’t be able to control them in the beginning. He will be the only one capable of saying if he has control or not. It should take a week, maybe a little bit more.” Gabriel stopped in the video for a second, and when he continued, he had a sad smile on his face. “I hope you’ll never need this video. Take care of you guys. I believe in you, and you can win whatever battle you have to fight.”</p><p> </p><p>The video stopped, and Dean looked at the black screen for a minute. Next to him, Jack and Sam were already talking and making plans. If Jack was going to use his powers, they had to find a way to hide that from God. They still didn’t know how they were going to kill Chuck, but they knew that letting him know that Jack had his powers back probably wasn’t the best idea. They will have to play with the element of surprise during the finale battle. But how the fuck were they going to hide the power of a Nephilim to God himself? The guy basically knew everything that happened in the world, that was the thing with being God. And it’s not like they were able to find a place where He couldn’t see them, since they had to go to the place he was born, therefore, on Earth.</p><p> </p><p>Dean was still looking at the screen in front of him. He was in the middle of a dilemma with himself. One of them will probably have to die, to save Jack and the entire world. He knew it had to be him, he could never lose his brother. He could never let Sam risk his life, with all he still had to live, with Eileen for starters. He had to be the soul that Jack will touch. But what if he died? That wouldn’t have been a big problem before, he knew that dying was his destiny anyway, but he was thinking about Cas. Cas who sacrificed himself so Dean could live. Was he really ready to risk his life two months after that? He didn’t want Cas’ death to be for nothing. But what choice did he have? Once again, he could never let Sam risk his life.</p><p> </p><p>“Sam will stay far away, and I will be the one coming with you Jack.” Dean finally said, interrupting the conversation the boys were having.</p><p> </p><p>“No Dean, we’re going together. I’m not letting you do this alone. If you really want Jack to touch your soul and not mine, I won’t fight you ok? But you’re not doing this alone. I’m coming, and you don’t have to say a word. I won’t be left behind.” Sam said calmly.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t risk to lose you too, Sammy. I can’t risk to see you die too.” His voice broke a little at the end of his sentence.</p><p> </p><p>“You won’t have to. Everything is going to be ok, Dean. I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>Sam was smiling. It was a real smile, full of hope. Yes, Sam was still the one who believe enough for two. And as much as it annoyed Dean, in this exact moment, he could not be more grateful. Sam was sure that their plan would work, and that none of them would die. Dean would not have to be alone, facing the fear that it would not work, and that they would have to start for the beginning, only Jack and Sam. He will have his little brother next to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine, Sammy. You can come with us.” Dean was smiling, almost imperceptibly.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey!<br/>I hope you're having a great week!<br/>I just want to tell you that i wrote something else (it's not a fanfic tho) that you can find here : https://asphodcle.tumblr.com/post/640961748665548800/tw-death-and-suicide-of-fictional-characters</p><p>Have a nice week &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi guys!<br/>I just want you to know that i may slow down the posting, I still have a few chapters ready, but I have struggles writing lately. I don't know yet if I'll slow things, I'll keep you updating.</p><p>Hope you'll enjoy today's chapter &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>While they were getting ready for their expedition, Dean realized he had no one to take care of his dog. Of course, he had already let him alone for one or two days during the two times Sam and himself went for a hunt since he adopted him. But right now, he didn’t know if he would have to leave him just for the few days they would be gone, or for longer. The hunter decided not to risk anything, and called Jody to know if she would be ok with taking care of the dog during a few days. Claire’s reaction in the background when Jody asked Alex and her if it was fine by them made Dean smile. The girl seemed so happy, and Dean knew that he could trust her for taking care of his dog. They agreed that the boys will come for lunch the following day, and that they would go to the lake house after.</p><p> </p><p>Dean really felt relieved, and he would get to see those people so important to him, before making one of the most dangerous thing he ever done. Well, no, it was not one of the most dangerous, but it had the most important outcome. If he died, he was sure that God would know, somehow. And if God knew, he would understand that they’re trying all they can do to beat him, and would probably make his destruction faster. It made Dean realize that for the moment, nothing really happened. Chuck was really taking his time, it had been almost 2 weeks now, and the world was still perfectly itself. Maybe that was part of the plan, making them think that maybe he won’t keep his promises, and that they were safe, and once they would start having a normal life again, he would strike and watch their life fall apart after they lose all hope. It sounded like a Chuck thing to do, and Dean wouldn’t be surprised if it was what he had planned. But, sadly for Chuck, that was not what was going to happen. God would be killed before he even had the time to hurt a single human. And it would happen even if their plan didn’t work. Dean couldn’t stand seeing another person killed because of him, because of his mistake. He should have killed God when he had the chance, and none of this would have happen. Maybe he would even have remembered Cas, and he would have made him come back way fucking sooner.</p><p> </p><p>At the end of the day, they were ready. They didn’t prepare much, since no big spell was required. They just needed Dean’s soul, but, just in case, they took some important items that could help if they came to an unexpected event, or to protect the place. They also had to make some research, trying to find a way to cover up Jack’s use of his power from God. From what they had been able to understand, they only needed a minute of protection, and even less since Sam was going to be here, ready to trigger whatever they’ll use right before Jack have his powers back. They actually found a spell, that would allow them not to be seen by God. If they did it correctly, he should still be able to feel like they’re in this world, but not anything else. The spell would last 30 seconds, but it should be enough time, if they coordinated correctly. They won’t have a second chance this time, but it was only a question of timing, nothing they couldn’t handle, Jack only had to inform Sam to start the spell a few second before he would stop touching Dean’s soul.</p><p> </p><p>Dean was feeling nervous, thinking about what could happen if they messed up, and he knew that Sam was nervous too. Jack probably didn’t, but he was a three years old Nephilim who lost his soul during almost two years, so yeah, Dean didn’t expect him to be able to feel things as a human should. He probably will at some point (at least, if we listened to Castiel), but for now, Dean couldn’t expect him to feel nervous. And he didn’t want to. He had his struggles with the blond, he even hated him at some point, but Jack had become a very important part of their family, and Dean loved him. He didn’t love him as much as Castiel loved the Nephilim, but he could understand why his angel chose to take Jack as his son.</p><p> </p><p>The day after, they left the Bunker pretty early. They didn’t want to be late, and they didn’t have anything to do left here, so they hit the road right after breakfast and Miracle’s daily walk. Dean would have to explain this ritual to Claire, since it seemed really important for his dog, and the only time they didn’t went for a walk together in the morning, Miracle had felt betrayed, and decided to ignore everyone for the whole day, scaring them when he disappeared for two hours, only for coming back and asking for food like he didn’t almost made Dean have a heart attack.</p><p> </p><p>They did the whole trip to Jody’s house in a row, stopping only once to let Miracle run a bit, since he hated being in the car for too long. Leaning on his car, Dean felt like he was on a family vacation. Jack was cheerily playing with Miracle on the grass, and Sam was paying for the gas. From instinct, Dean turned his head to talk to Cas, ready to mock him when he won’t get the reference he would do to a random movie, and his face darkened when he realized once again that he was alone. No Cas next to him, no stupid trench coat, no stupidly beautiful blue eyes in which he could get lost during hours. Nothing, Cas wasn’t here. His left hand went to his pocket, touching the mixtape, promising himself for the hundredth time that he would see Cas soon.</p><p> </p><p>They arrived at Jody’s right before lunch. The dark-haired woman greeted them with a huge hug that they both reciprocate. They loved this woman like their mother, and she loved them like they were her two other adopted sons.</p><p> </p><p>While they were officially introducing Jack, who never met Jody until now -and she only knew him because she had to put an APB on him-, the entrance door opened wide and a tornado of blond hair flew next to them, to go directly to Miracle, patiently waiting next to Baby.</p><p> </p><p>The young woman, Claire, laughed when Miracle jumped on her, happy to have some attention. Dean turned around and smile. Ok, he officially knew that everything was going to be fine for his dog, Claire will take good care of him. The blond girl didn’t even look at the Winchesters before Miracle finally decided that he had had enough attention, and came sitting next to Dean, who patted his head with a smile on his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi guys! Nice to see you, it’s been a while!” she said. She looked happier that they ever saw her be. Before they had the chance to ask why, they saw Kaia coming out of the house, and Claire’s face brighten even more. That seemed like a really good reason to be happy, thought Dean when the two girls kissed briefly.</p><p> </p><p>“Happy for you kiddo. And yeah, it’s been a while, I’m glad we’re here.” Dean declared.</p><p> </p><p>They all entered the house, where Alex and Patience were waiting for them on the couch. All of them sat with the two girls, and they listened to Patience ranting about school and how her teachers were boring. She was really glad to have Jody and Alex who always took the time to explain again whatever lesson she had to learn when she didn’t understand it. Alex was still working at the hospital, but it was mostly empty lately, so she spent most of her time at home, or helping Claire with her hunts -but she will never admit that she did-.</p><p> </p><p>Sam was really interested in everything they said, asking questions on Patience’s school and application for next year’s university, talking to Alex about nursing (he knew a lot, since Jessica -the girlfriend who died on a fire- was studying to become one), and giving hunting advice to the girls. This last part made Jody sighed, and asking him to not encourage them, she already had struggle to see all of her girls together.</p><p> </p><p>Dean was not talking. He didn’t need to, and he didn’t want to. He felt almost at peace here, looking at this part of his family, drinking a beer. It felt good. Jack and Claire were in the middle of an argument about which Star Wars movie was the better, Jack was settling with the third one, and Claire was insulting him because “How dare you prefer a movie of the sequels? The fifth is clearly superior you dumbass!” and Dean only wish Charlie was here to argue with them. He was so happy to see the two blonds getting along so well, and somehow, he always knew they would. They just didn’t have the chance to meet one another.</p><p> </p><p>They then moved to the table, to eat some chicken with potatoes. It was one of Dean and Sam’s favorite plate when they came here, and it was so easily done that Jody didn’t even hesitate when they asked her if they could come eat. They continued their conversation there, eating and laughing, and this time, Dean joined them. He mostly played the peacemaker between Claire and Jack, regretting letting Sam make Jack discover all those nerdy stuffs. Everything was great, and Miracle was enjoying every bit of food Claire and Jack sneaked under the table for him. Everything was perfect, until one moment, one conversation.</p><p> </p><p>“And Castiel? Is he ok? Why isn’t he with you, and why doesn’t he take care of Miracle? He loves animals no?” asked Claire at some point.</p><p> </p><p>Dean froze. He hadn’t thought of Castiel for some hours now, since they arrived, in fact. He was just feeling so great, so peaceful. He was where he was supposed to be, and it felt good. He felt like he was in his family. But he hadn’t thought of Castiel, not a single second. And now he did.</p><p> </p><p>“No, he… Well… he died. Protecting me.” Dean scratched his neck, hoping that nobody would continue talking about that. If he had to talk about his death, he would lose it. He didn’t know if he could hold his tears. And he refused to cry, not in front of all of them.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh… I’m really sorry Dean, really.” That was Jody. She seemed really sorry, and Dean could not bear that anymore. He had to leave this place, he had to find a place to be alone. He wanted to cry. He wanted his angel back.</p><p> </p><p>“At least he died doing what he does best, saving your stupid ass.” Claire added. It wasn’t mean, it was even the truth if Dean had to be honest. It was just a joke, because Claire was like that, joking when things get too serious because she hated having to be serious. Dean was like that, too. But not today, today, it hurt too much, to be reminded that he was the reason Castiel was dead. Because he knew he was. He was the one who hurt Billie, he was the reason why they had to hide from her, and why Cas had to summon the Empty to save them.</p><p> </p><p>Dean stood up, without a single word, and left the room. Heck, he even left the house. He started feeling tears running on his cheeks, as he continued walking outside. His vision was blurry, he didn’t really know where he was going. He fell on the floor at some point, still crying and sobbing. Once again, he was blaming himself for being this sad. He never had been this sad, not when Dad died, not when Mom died. Not even when Sam died. It felt worse, so much worse this time. He didn’t even know why, and it was killing him.</p><p> </p><p>He was struggling breathing when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked at the owner of the hand, to find his brother, on his knees, in front of him. Dean could not stop crying. He wanted so hard, he wanted his brother to think he was strong enough for both of them, that he was capable of taking care of everything, without even being destroyed by his best friend death. But that was not the truth, he was broken.</p><p> </p><p>“Dean. Please…” Sam said, suddenly hugging his brother to help him calm down. It took more than ten minutes, but he eventually stopped sobbing. Tears were still running on his cheeks, but his breathing was slow and controlled. Sam continued talking. “Dean, you have to talk to me, please. Tell me what is happening. I never, ever saw you like that. Every time someone mention Cas, you lock yourself up and almost stop talking, you only accept Jack to talk about him, and only when you’re sure that nobody can listen or watch you. And now, we mention him being dead, and you react like that? Dean, I was with you every time you had to grief. Every time. Mom, Dad, Charlie, Kevin, even Castiel himself. What is different now? Dean, what happened that night, exactly? Please tell me. I have to kno…” Sam was cut by Dean, still trying not to breakdown again.</p><p> </p><p>“He had made a deal with the Empty, to save Jack in Heaven. When he would experience real happiness, it would come and get him. But you know that. And you know that he experienced happiness. But... He told me he loved me, Sammy. He told me he loved me, that he cared about everything because of me. He told me he loved me, and I didn’t say anything. And the Empty appeared to take him. His happiness was to say that he loved me, and I didn’t fucking say anything. What the hell was I supposed to say anyway? He fucking died. And I didn’t say anything.” He remembered every word Cas told him, this very day. He remembered every look, every intonation. He remembered Cas crying, he remembered the Empty. He remembered too much, and it hurt like hell. He remembered his angel’s look, the smile on his fucking face when he told him he loved him. He remembered the exact moment he understood that it was the end, that he just lost his best friend. He remembered everything, as it happened yesterday.</p><p> </p><p>It was the first time he ever said that, to anyone. And it didn’t make him feel better. And he was still crying, on the floor, feeling even more lost and alone than he was before. His eyes burned, he couldn’t breathe, and he didn’t feel anything anymore. Except for his brother’s arms around him, and the mixtape in his pocket.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys!<br/>I'm back, hoping you're ok!<br/>As you can see, I haven't post last week. I'll try to keep posting once every 2 weeks, but i won't promise I will, as I said during the last chapter, things are a bit complicated for me lately.</p><p>I hope you'll still like this fanfic &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When he finally got to calm down completely, a few hours had passed. During all this time, he had stayed silent. Sam was by his side, his arm resting on Dean’s shoulders. At some point, Claire let Miracle leave the house, and the dog came close to Dean, and put his head on his lap. Dean felt way better now. He never felt like crying helped at all, but in this exact moment, it has been the only thing that helped.</p><p> </p><p>Dean finally stopped crying, and after a few minutes, he stood up and smiled at his brother. He really did feel way better. He still felt numb and the hole in his stomach still wasn’t filled, but he felt like he could breathe again, which was a lot. It was probably the best he had felt in months. He was smiling at Sam, telling him that he was fine, and that they should got back in the house to say good bye, since the place of Jack’s birth was still a few hours away. Sam knew his brother like he knew himself. He knew that Dean wasn’t as peachy as he wanted him to believe. He knew that he was still struggling, and that he was probably still holding some tears. But he also knew better than pushing him into talking about his feelings. Dean had open up, he had told him what was happening, and it was something big. Sam knew that his brother would not want to continue this conversation. Not right now anyway. And Sam could understand, so he just nodded and stood up, following Dean in Jody’s house.</p><p> </p><p>There, Dean somehow expected her to yell at them for scaring them, but instead, the woman just hugged him tight. The hunter felt relaxed. He didn’t need to talk for Jody to know that he was still pretty fucked up, and she didn’t need to talk to tell him that she was here and that everything, whatever it was, was going to be ok. In the living room, Sam sat in the couch, next to Jack, and told the rest of the teenagers to not ask any question. They all agreed, and when Dean came sit next to Sam, they just smiled at him and included him in their conversation.</p><p> </p><p>They all talked for another hour, until the Winchesters decided that if they didn’t go now, they would have to drive until late at night, and none of them wanted that. They had a rough couple of weeks, and they needed sleep as much as possible.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, you know, we have place for you three, you don’t have to go tonight. You can stay the night, sleep and go wherever you need to go tomorrow.” Suggested Jody, bringing tea.</p><p> </p><p>Before Dean could say anything to refuse, Sam agreed, a huge smile on his lips. He had accepted the proposal not only because he really was looking forward spending time with Jody and her family, but also because Dean needed sleep, he needed a good place and some calm, before they get back at their crazy quest. Dean always had been the one looking for him, he basically raised him because John had not been able to, but know, it was Sam’s turn to take care of his brother. Because he would not do it for himself. Because Dean would prefer blaming himself over everything that is happening than taking care of himself and accepting that he is not a bad guy. Sam had to take care of Dean, but he had to be discreet, because his big brother still thought it was his role, to take care of him.</p><p> </p><p>“Nice, we’ll order burgers, it’s movie night.” Jody said, proposing tea to everyone, except Dean -she already knew that he would say no anyway- to whom she gave a beer.</p><p> </p><p>The rest of their stay at Jody’s house was calm and relaxing, and even if Dean had wanted to leave as quick as possible in the beginning, he was really glad that his brother insisted to stay. It had given him some calm, he was feeling way better now. When time to leave came, he was breathing easily. Jody gave them some leftovers from last day’s lunch, knowing they would probably stop at a random dinner anyway. Dean really was glad that the woman took care of them like she was their mother. In fact, he sometimes felt more like Jody’s son than he did with Mary. He knew that he wasn’t supposed to, but Jody had been with them through everything, and she had never failed them. She always took care of them in the darkest moment, and she didn’t question what they were doing. She believed in them, no matter their mistake, no matter what. And Mary… He could understand why she acted like that when Amara brought her back, but it hurt him. He wished she could have done things different, maybe show them more love, like the mother she was supposed to be.</p><p> </p><p>Dean hugged Jody really tight, thanking her, and took a step back to explain for the hundredth time to Claire how to take care of Miracle. She only responded with an eye roll, and she smiled briefly, Kaia holding her hand. Dean didn’t know if he would be alive tonight, he didn’t know if he would survive having his soul touched, or if he would survive the blast that will follow. But he felt at peace, he felt at home.</p><p> </p><p>Sam did too. He was more hopeful than his brother, because he always was, but he understood how the green-eyed man was feeling, and he felt the same way. He was afraid, so afraid, that everything could go wrong in a second, but he felt at peace for a minute, with those persons who believed in them, without even knowing what they were doing. They believe in them, they believe they could do anything, no matter what, no matter how insane it looked like. Jody and the girls believed, and that was enough for the Winchesters to let go a little of their fear, and be peaceful.</p><p> </p><p>The road they took after was calm, and not only because they were. For a reason they didn’t understand, there were no traffic, almost no car on the road, which was surprising considering the time of the day. Usually there was a shit ton of people outside of Sioux Falls, coming back for work, visiting a family member, anything, but for once they were just alone. They enjoyed this loneliness, without realizing that it meant that Chuck already began the world’s destruction. People were not on the road, because people were occupied in the cities, watching their whole world collapse, literally. In all the big cities, buildings were falling to the ground, the streets were destroyed, fires started everywhere. The world was starting to fall apart, and people didn’t understand. Once second, life was normal, and the second after, panic was running across the streets. The end of the world was close, and every person seeing those things happening could understand that. No need to know about the supernatural to see how bad things were. The world had begun to collapse, and no scientist, no politician, absolutely nobody could understand why. People will soon go crazy. Soon, and everywhere in the world, people will start fighting, they will start civil wars, trying to overthrow governments, killing each other, being the worst a human can be.</p><p> </p><p>But the Winchesters didn’t know. They haven’t realized yet that they will have to rush things, because they thought He would wait a few months. They didn’t know that everything had start. They will soon enough, but for the moment, they still were feeling the same way they did leaving Sioux Falls. For the moment, the only problem they seemed to have was Jack asking to put something else than Dean’s music. Dean was absolutely horrified to hear him saying that “he heard enough classic rock for his whole life, and he was technically immortal”. Dean had to argue with both his brother and the half-angel to explain them that no, you can’t have heard “enough classic rock”, because it was the only acceptable music genre. Dean felt good, it was like they went back ten years ago, when all they had to worry about was fighting monsters, when they didn’t even know about all this angel and God crap. When life was easy. Not knowing what was happening in the world, Dean could breathe, he could feel things like he was supposed to. He still had the comforting touch of the mixtape against him, but all he could think about was the good time he had with Castiel, with his brother, with all the persons he ever loved, and not the despair and the loneliness.</p><p> </p><p>Dean could breathe, and he didn’t have the entire world on his shoulders. For a few hours, they were free, and they were just going far away. But soon, too soon, they had to come back to reality. In front of them, proudly standing in front of a lake, was the house that saw Jack’s birth. This place brought so many memories back. This place was technically somewhere they only spent a few days on, but it felt like it was the beginning of everything. It felt like the beginning and the end.</p><p> </p><p>Dean took a deep breath, turned the engine off and get out of Baby. The place was exactly the same as they left it the last time. It shouldn’t surprise him, after all, only 3 years had passed. Even the barn where he met Castiel hadn’t change, and it had been 12 years, it was not surprising that in three years, this place had stayed the same. But, even knowing that, it still surprised him. He expected it to reflect how fucked up their life had been, he expected the house to be barely standing, with one or two walls collapsed. He expected the plants to have died, the lake to be dried. But no, everything was the same. He didn’t know if he found that comforting or terrifying, but he could tell that Jack was getting emotional, seeing this place after so long. He didn’t remember it well, since he didn’t stay long enough to, and he was just born. It was where he met Sam and Dean, where he had the strongest link with his mother. It was also the place where he saw Castiel dead. This place wasn’t solely filled with good memories, but Jack felt great here anyway.</p><p> </p><p>They all let their stuff in the cabin, agreeing that they would take the day to just relax, and prepare themselves for what was going to happen. They sat together in front of the lake, a bottle of beer in hand. Unaware of the chaos around them, they felt like they were closer to happiness that they had been in their entire life.</p><p> </p><p>They stayed like that for a few hours. Dean was still thinking about Castiel, but it was calm thoughts. He didn’t want to cry anymore, he didn’t wish he could just forget everything. He was thinking about him, and he tried to be happy for him. He tried not to think of his death, because that was still unbearable, but his memory was the most comforting thing in this instant. He was living, smiling, laughing with Jack and Sam. Castiel may not be here, but his memory, his legacy continued to accompany them in their journey.</p><p> </p><p>Nonetheless, Dean was missing him so much. From time to time, he would turn his head next to him or behind him, expecting him to be here, watching the three of them with the softness in his eyes, the one he only had while he was watching Jack, or the Winchesters when they were not watching him. Dean expected him to be here, waiting for them to ask him to come closer and sit with them to watch the sun disappearing behind the mountains. Suddenly, Dean start talking. They had been silent since they sat here, but Dean felt the urge to talk, about Castiel, about their lives, about everything. Sam listened without a word, while Jack was asking a lot of questions, laughing when Dean was telling a funny story, smiling sadly when Dean was remembering one of those sad stories they had to go through during their lives. Dean had not talk that much about his life since forever, but it felt really good. And he get to talk about all those adventures he lived with Castiel, making him be here with them through the memories of him that the man Castiel loved the most had.</p><p> </p><p>At some point, Dean realized he was only talking about Cas now, but he didn’t stop. He continued talking about all the fight they had, the time they found each other back, all the times Cas saved him. He talked about those movies night they had together, when Jack and Sam were away. Dean found himself smiling at the remembrance of Castiel asking him so much questions that Dean had to put the movie on pause every two minutes.</p><p> </p><p>They left the lake when the sun had fully disappeared and the only light they had was the moon, high in the sky. They came back at the cabin, not wanting to do the ritual in the dark. They would sleep and give Jack his power back in the morning. They were ready, and fortunately for them, they still didn’t know about the destruction of the cities.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I don't really know if it requires a TW or a CW but, there is a description of a character enduring a huge pain, and it may require something, so here it is.</p>
<p>I hope you'll enjoy the new chapter &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning, they woke up feeling refreshed. The feeling didn’t last when, during breakfast, they received a text from Jody. She sent them a video she took of her TV while watching the news. All we could see was New York city’s building collapsing for no reason, their debris blocking streets, and people running everywhere trying to find a shelter. Along with the video, Jody sent a message “does that has any link with why you had to leave us Miracle?”. Dean cursed, and looked at Jack.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We don’t have time anymore. We have to do it now, understand? We thought we had time but we obviously don’t anymore. Sammy when will you be ready for the hiding spell?” Dean asked, anger tangible in his voice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“One hour I think.” Sam replied. He didn’t even try to argue with his brother that they should take their time or whatever. He knew they didn’t have the luxury to wait anymore, they had to act quick, because Chuck won’t wait like he said he would.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jack was nervous suddenly, because now, it was on him. Usually, it was on them, they were the four (with Castiel) who had to save the world. But the next step they would take today? What they were going to do in one hour? It was all on him. Of course, without Dean and Sam their little operation would be useless, but he was the one who had to know his power well enough to stop before it was too late. He never had to worry about it, he either didn’t have it (or was forbidden to use it) or didn’t have to worry about it. But in this very moment, he would have to know himself perfectly, if they wanted this to work.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jack could see everyone believing in him. Gabriel believed in him when he recorded this DVD. Dean and Sam believed in him when they decided to go, trusting him with their lives and the future of the universe without the slightest doubt. Castiel believed in him, before he was even born, when he didn’t have a soul, when nobody, including himself, believed in him anymore. Castiel did, and it was his memory that gave Jack the strength to smile at Dean when the hunter asked him if everything was ok, if he was ready.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Everything is perfect, Dean. I’m ready if you are ready.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In the hunter’s eyes, he could see that he was thinking about Castiel too. Since the angel died, Jack had been able to feel Dean’s guards being let down. He talked to him, he listened to him talking. Once, Dean even hold him tight, letting him cry for a solid hour. Jack was feeling safe again around him, he was feeling loved, and understood. They both had lose one of the most important people in their life, they both lose their parents without being able to tell them I love you a last time, and they understood each other. Not that Sam couldn’t understand this feeling, he also lost his parents, but it was different. Dean and Jack understood each other about the loss of their parents, but it was also the loss of Castiel that made them feel close. And even if Sam and Castiel were very good friends, they didn’t have the same relationship.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In the other room, Sam was making sure everything was ready. His role in this operation was the easiest. The spell he had to cast was a really basic one, and he had done spells way more difficult with Rowena. The only hard part would be to cast it at the right time, but once again, it was more up to Jack, who will have to tell him when he would be ready. He feared more the after, the blast of power that will follow. They had no idea how to protect themselves from it, and they just had to pray that either Jack could control it or that it wouldn’t touch them. Well, no, they better not pray, it could make God understand what they were doing, and that would literally be the worst thing that could ever happen. Anyway, they had to hope everything was going to be ok. Because at the end of the day, it was all they had. Hope. They had nothing else, just each other and their faith.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When all of them were finally ready, they met in the garden. In front of them were the ashes of the funeral pyre they made a few years ago when Castiel died the night Jack was born. This memory would have done nothing to the Winchesters and Jack if the angel had been with them, and not dead again in a place they were not sure anymore that they could make him escape, even when Jack would have his powers again. None of them knew how he had been able to wake him up the first time, all they knew was that Jack wanted him to be here so bad and it worked, Castiel had woken up. But the nephilim was alone at that time, Dean hated him, Sam was trying to make things ok but Jack felt like he didn’t fully trust him either. He was a new born, and the only man he trusted, since before he was born, died before he could really know him. He was so lost, he acted with instinct and nothing else. Now that he was loved and trusted, now that he had a family, he wasn’t sure he could act this way anymore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The ashes in front of them made Dean’s heart ache. It was the same as this night, he was left alone without Castiel by his side, and he had the world in his hands. All of him was sent back to this night where he had to carry Castiel to the pyre, setting his body on fire, refusing any help his brother or Jack could propose him. He had to do it alone. It was why this night and today were so different. He wasn’t alone today. Jack and Sam were by his side, and the three of them will succeed their operation. Together, helping each other. It was a team work, and at the end of the day, they will be sitting in front of the lake, thinking of a way to make things right. They were not alone anymore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They all breathed deeply. Jack was so nervous his hands were shaking -which made him even more anxious, because he didn’t know if it was normal-. Sam was a few feet away, saying, for himself, what he had to do when Jack would tell him he was ready. The man knew already by heart the words he would have to say, and all he will have to do, but it didn’t prevent him from feeling anxious and feeling like he had to keep practicing. It had to be perfect, they would not have a second chance, it was now or never. If he stuttered or forgot a word or mess up something, it would be over. The entire world would collapse, they would all be dead, and everything they did would be for nothing. As surprising as it might sound, Dean was the less nervous of them all. First of all, he had nothing to actively do, all his work was to stand up, let Jack touch his soul and try not to die. It was way less complicated than what the two others had to do. Sure, he might be dead tonight, but he trusted Jack, and in his pocket was still Cas’ mixtape, and it gave him the strength he needed to be sure everything was going to be ok. Dean was fine, he was breathing slowly, perfectly calm.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The way he acted actually helped Jack a lot, and the blond boy just started smiling as they were talking about how it would go. Dean never had had his soul touched, but from what he heard, it was incredibly painful. Not that it would stop him anyway, he had been tortured in hell for four decades, had died multiple time, had been severely injured a few times… It was not pain he feared, it was his possible death, the possible failure they could come across. But once again, those concerns were drowned in the faith he put on Jack. He was Cas’ son, he could do anything if not more, and he knew that Jack would never hurt him on purpose, so he didn’t have to worry.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finally, they were all ready, and they would start soon. Sam was still at the same place, a few feet away from Jack and Dean, who were face to face. Dean was standing straight, still smiling. Jack had stopped shaking, and looked way more confident. When Sam announced that he was ready whenever they were, Dean nodded slightly, giving Jack the green light.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Suddenly, everything was pain. Pain and light. The light blinded all of them. It was like the sun came on Earth. Sam had to protect his eyes with his arms, trying not to close them as Jack could tell him anytime it was time for him to start the spell. Dean was still standing straight, but he didn’t even see the light. The pain was all he could feel right now. The entire world around him had disappeared, he didn’t feel the ground under his feet, he didn’t feel the wind blowing against his whole body. He couldn’t feel anything except the unbearable pain. It was not like anything he knew from pain. Those years in hell felt like vacation compared to this exact moment. He didn’t really know if he could compare those two things anyway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean was not screaming. It was like he had leave his body and was nothing but pain. His mind was blank. Nothing existed anymore, apart from the torment. His body was like on fire, and it seemed like it already been hours. He didn’t know how it was possible, but everything hurt, yet he couldn’t feel anything. He wanted to scream, to cry, to stop all of this, but nothing was real anymore. He felt like he was already gone, probably already dead anyway. Maybe he was already in hell, and everything had failed. But then, why would the pain be so strong? Why would it tear him apart like that? He had been in Hell before, and that was way worse than anything. It felt like hours, days, years maybe. But at some point, finally, everything stopped, and all Dean could see was the light that blinded him, as he fell on the ground, vaguely hearing Jack screaming at Sam to begin the spell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Jack had first touch Dean’s soul, the exact second he had, he felt peace and power. Dean’s soul was glowing. Jack could not see human’s soul ordinarily, but with his touch came the vision of what it was. And Dean’s soul was beautiful. Not in a perfect way, it was broken, as Dean was, it was full of flaws, it was full of pain too, but it was somehow beautiful. Jack could feel the power flocking in his veins as he continued touching the hunter’s soul. From time to time, he felt Castiel’s presence, memories of the day he saved his soul and left his mark on it for eternity. Jack was somehow terrified, but astonished of how Dean’s soul was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean was pure. He loved, so much. He hated also, maybe too much. He cared, a lot. He was human, and that what made his soul so special. After all he been through, after hell, after losing everyone he cared for, after watching the world collapse again and again, saving it the best he could, he was still human. He never lost his sparkle, his soul never faded away. It was broken, he was broken, but he was one of the best person on the world, and his soul was a proof of that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And suddenly, Jack could feel it. His power was here, he was complete again. He had to use all the willpower he had to stop touching Dean’s soul, leaving him fall on the ground, and he screamed to Sam. He did it, he stopped himself at the exact right moment, and he could still feel Dean’s life next to him, he was still alive.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Suddenly, a new light. It was not the same as when Jack had touched the green-eyed man’s soul. This light came from him, and it blasted everything. It was pure power, his power, just like Gabriel had warned them. It lasted a few seconds, and Jack fall on the ground, next to Dean. Still at the same place, Sam was on the ground too. A deadly silence fell on the cabin. The noise until now had been so loud, at least in their ears, but now it was just calm, silent. Nothing was breaking the silence, they couldn’t even hear their breathing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean was the first one to get on foot. He was still pretty messed up, and had to lean on a tree -or what was left of it- to stay stand. Sam was the next one to stand up, but he was fine, he was perfectly fine. Jack was the last one, and the first thing he did was to move a branch with his mind, making sure he still had his power, and they did not do all of that for nothing. But everything was perfect, he felt complete, he had his power, and both of the hunters were fine. When he felt his power suddenly growing, when he felt he could not control what was going to happen, he had started panicking, and begging (to whom, he didn’t know) to spare Sam and Dean, to let them be ok at the end. And it worked. They were all fine.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Around them, it felt like death. All of the trees had been blasted, the cabin had been destroyed and only debris were still there, not a single animal was. It felt like death, and yet, they felt so alive. All they had to do now was to save Castiel, and kill God. Ok, it was a lot. But they had been able to give Jack his powers back, without the help of Chuck. It was the first time they had been able to do something this big without Chuck, or Death and the Empty, making it easier for them. It felt like the biggest win they could ever had in their life. And it felt so good.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am so sorry for not posting for so long and leaving you without any warning. I can't promise that I will start posting like usual again, but I'll try, and I hope you still enjoy this story !</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They stayed like that a long time, without a word addressed to each other. And then, Dean smiled, and came close to Jack so he could hug him tight.</p><p> </p><p>“You did it, kiddo…” he said, pride in his voice.</p><p> </p><p>He was proud, so proud. Jack went from a new born Nephilim who didn’t know how to control his powers, who killed people by instinct, to a boy capable of… doing that. Gabriel had said that Jack would have no control of his power, and yet Sam and himself were standing, without a single scratch. And from what he could see around them, it was almost a miracle.</p><p> </p><p>When their adrenalin went down a bit, they all took a breath. They would have liked to stay here longer and enjoy this moment, where everything went right for the first time since the beginning of this adventure, but they didn’t have the luxury to do so. Chuck had already began his finale plan, they had to do something, they had to act quick.</p><p> </p><p>“Ok, so, now, we come back at the Bunker and we find a way to kill God.” Said the youngest Winchester, already packing all the stuff he used for the spell.</p><p> </p><p>“No. We find a way to bring Cas back, and then we find a way to kill this son of a bitch. The four of us.” Answered Dean, without taking a single second to think about that.</p><p> </p><p>“Dean, we don’t have time anymore. Chuck already started destroying the big cities, we have to hurry up. I want to see Cas again too, but we don’t have time.”</p><p> </p><p>“I told you. I don’t want to save the world if Cas is not with us. If we have to see this world end, I want him to be here, with us. I need him, Sammy, I really do.” Dean was sincere, and his voice was steady. He would never abandon Cas, he was his priority. For the first time in his entire life, his priority was not Sam or saving the world, it was Castiel, his angel.</p><p> </p><p>Sam tried to make him change his mind, but not for long. He knew it would not really work, and if he had to be honest, he also wanted to do that with Cas, and he didn’t really have a voice when Jack and Dean decided to do something.</p><p> </p><p>When they settled their plan (find a way to bring back Cas, actually bring him back with them and then kill God himself), they went back in Baby. They were exhausted, but they didn’t have the time to sleep anyway. They already were going to “lose” time searching for Cas instead of fighting Chuck (this was, of course, not a loss of time for Dean nor Jack), and sleeping took too much time. Therefore, they would just sleep in the car, taking turn to drive. Although Jack could drive, Dean didn’t want him to do so while he and Sam were sleeping, and therefore, only Sam and him would drive. He didn’t trust a boy who drove two times in his life to be left alone behind Baby’s wheels. He accepted that Sam would, and it was already a big thing for him.</p><p> </p><p>The trip was like the one they took two days ago. They were still alone on the road. On the horizon, they could see the smoke coming from big cities. That was the only difference they could see from those two trips, and none of them liked it. They wished knowing what Chuck was doing could have been just a dream (more like a nightmare), but they had to face reality, he was not going to stop. He had started whatever plan he had in mind, and they would have to stop him if they wanted to save the world.</p><p> </p><p>After several hours, the Bunker was finally in sight. They were home, even though they would probably have to leave again in a few days, because they never stayed in the place long, it was good being there again. When they entered the place, Dean found it really strange not to be greeted by his dog, but he had decided to leave him at Jody’s place for a time, since they would probably have to do a lot of dumb and dangerous things, it was easier to have him in a safe place. And him being away had for other consequence to keep Claire safe too, because she would be too occupied taking care of the dog, and Dean was glad. They all wanted to involve less people possible, and not only because it could compromise their plan of surprising God with their fight back, but also because they wanted their friends to be safe.</p><p> </p><p>“Ok. What are we doing first guys?” asked Sam, putting all of his belongings on the floor, deciding they would put them in their room when they would take a break to sleep at some point.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know. Maybe we can go to Hell, to ask Rowena and Kevin to change their research? We have Jack’s power back, it doesn’t matter anymore, does it? We could ask them to search a way to bring Cas back instead?” Dean asked.</p><p> </p><p>When they all agree that it was the good thing to do, Dean left the chair he was sitting on.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll go. You guys keep searching in the books, you’re better than me at this crap anyway.” Said the oldest Winchester, and none of the other complained.</p><p> </p><p>Dean went to find the portal to Hell that had been opened by Rowena. It was the first time he had to go there by himself, and he realized that it was placed in the room right after the one Cas died. He looked at the door of this exact room, and suddenly found it hard to breathe. He had to stop for a moment, and lean against the wall. He was dealing better with all the thoughts of Castiel, but seeing this room where he died? It was still too much. He forced himself to continue walking, to go as far of this room as possible. Quickly, he was in front of the portal, but he hasn’t quite started breathing normally again. He passed through the gate anyway, because he didn’t want to wait.</p><p> </p><p>What he didn’t expect was to find Rowena in the room right when he arrived. He was counting on the time he would have searching for her to calm down completely, but now, he was right in front of her, his breath still panting. The woman looked at him for a second, first surprised to see him here, surprise that quickly became a surprise to see him in this state. She didn’t know what to do, so she came closer and patted him on the shoulder, not comfortable around people feeling bad. Dean took a second to watch away, and locked his eyes on a portrait of Crowley on the wall. Seeing the demon made him calm down, because he had a judgmental face and Dean couldn’t bear appear “weak” in front of him. He has his pride, and being judged by Crowley was the thing he could not accept, even though the demon was dead.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry for that Rowena. I didn’t expect you to be here already… I was just… Running to find you, and had to catch my breath.” He tried lying, knowing that it was not really believable.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure. Nothing to do with the pretty angel you’re missing so much.” The ginger replied.</p><p> </p><p>Dean choked, trying to find something to say. Of course, she was right, but he didn’t expect her to call him out on his bullshit. And suddenly, he was talking about Castiel again. Suddenly, he was back two days ago, when he had to say for the first time out loud what had happened the day Cas died. He talked without stopping for a few minutes. His eyes were itching, but he was not crying. He could not cry, he felt like all of his tears had leave his body, it was probably due to the fact that he had cry more those past few months than he had his entire life.</p><p> </p><p>Rowena listened, sipping whisky on a comfortable chair, right next to Dean. She did not speak, not even after he went quiet, looking for any reaction from the witch. But she didn’t give him any, she stayed silent and finished her whisky, taking her time. This behavior was driving Dean insane, he wanted her to say something, to comfort him, to tell him he was an idiot, anything really.</p><p> </p><p>“Then I should find a way to bring him back, is that what you want?” she finally asked after what seemed like a thousand years for the hunter.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. Please. That was the reason I came. Jack has his power back, we found a way. But… Yeah. We can’t find anything on how to bring someone back from the Empty. I know that Crowley had a lot of stuff that helped us before, maybe you can find something too.” Dean replied, still nervous. Rowena had not made any comment on the story he had told to her, and it seemed like she was not going to say anything on it. Dean didn’t like that, she usually loved to give her opinion, even when they didn’t ask for it, but now that he was expecting it, nothing.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, yes, Fergus had a lot of interesting thing in here. I’m glad he was my kid if I can be fully honest with you.” The woman said, while standing up to pass her hand on the parchments that were on the bookshelf. “I’ll do what I can to help you, Winchester.”</p><p> </p><p>And on this word, she left the room without saying good bye. This whole conversation had been so weird, Rowena really was out of character. First, she didn’t gave her opinion on a situation she would have loved to be a part of (seeing how she talked to Cas and him when they were mad at each other the last time, she would definitely have loved to tell him how he should act), and then she said that she was proud of Crowley? It was too strange to be normal. It was at this exact moment that it clicked in Dean’s mind. An out of character behavior? That happened before. When Chuck was controlling them. His vision blurred out of rage, and he got out of the room as quick as possible, a blade in his hand. Rowena was already dead, it would probably do nothing, but he didn’t have anything else, and didn’t want to wait, in case Chuck could learn that he found out about controlling the witch.</p><p> </p><p>But when he got out of the room, he realized he didn’t know where she was anymore. It was bad, really bad. Chuck was aware of the fact that Jack had his powers back, and he was aware that they were trying to get Cas back. Everything was going down, they were fucked, and it was all his fault, again. If he didn’t have the need to save Cas more than he wanted to save the world, Rowena would not have learned that Jack had his power back, and she would have not learned about Castiel. From now on, bringing him back should be the least of their priority, because it was almost certain that they will never be able to do so. But Dean could not see this action as the last thing they would do, when they would have the time. It was already too late anyway, God knew. It was almost sure that they had lost, at least he wanted to lose with Castiel telling him he was a good man, with Castiel telling him it was not his fault, he had done all he could have done. If he had to be perfectly honest, he didn’t want to lose with Castiel to see him reassure Dean. He wanted to lose with Castiel, because the angel meant too much for him, and being with him at the very end would prove that they had won anyway.</p><p> </p><p>After a few minutes trying to find Rowena, he understood that it was meaningless. She knew the palace way better than he did, and if she didn’t want to be found, he would never find her. He came back to the room that was connecting Hell to the Bunker, and walked through the portal, the quicker he could. He then ran toward the war room where he knew he would find Jack and Sam.</p><p> </p><p>“Guys. We have a big problem. Rowena acted so weird when I was in Hell. I’m pretty sure that Chuck is controlling her. And… if he really does… he knows that Jack has his powers back. And he knows that we’re trying to bring Cas back…” Dean said, hoping that his brother won’t be mad at him, for not realizing before he said everything to her.</p><p> </p><p>“What? Are you sure? Dean, are you entirely sure?” asked Sam, suddenly really concerned and almost scared.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I’m not. I don’t know, maybe she was just acting strange… But I told her. About Castiel. And she didn’t react. She said nothing. And then she said she was proud of Crowley, don’t tell me that’s not super odd!”</p><p> </p><p>“Well… I don’t know Dean. It could have been worse… I think we should keep doing like she was not controlled by God, and see where it goes. We can stay vigilant around her or Kevin, but I’m not sure we should stop everything because of that.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean was not sure. His brother may be right after all, maybe he was overthinking the situation and nothing had really happened, maybe she was like that because she thought of something, maybe because she thought it was a bad idea trying to bring Castiel back… So many possibilities. Dean was probably just overthinking, like he always tends to do. He had to trust Rowena, he had to have faith, and believe that everything was going to be fine, that Chuck didn’t really decided using Rowena against them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>See you next week !</p></blockquote></div></div>
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